IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many peducation?To what extend do you agree or disagree?eople say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university

#peducation #eople #guarantee #job #course #university
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It is widely believed that having a degree is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 sole way for
employees
 to get lucrative jobs . The writer of
this
 essay agrees with
this
 notion because it can demonstrate
specialized
Correct article usage
the specialized
show examples
 skills and persistence of candidates. To commence with , professional abilities are crucial when employers looking for new workers .
In other words
 , the
employees
 ,
espeacially
Correct your spelling
especially
 white-collar ones , with adequate education backgrounds
also
 have intensive knowledge in their fields .
As a result
 , these potential workers will operate various important strategies that can lead their companies to success.
For example
 , in 2018 ,
Vietnam
Change preposition
in Vietnam
show examples
 , where 72% of firms just only recruited candidates who
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 good degrees,
this
 practice
also
 increased
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
% of
Add an article
the successful
show examples
successful
Replace the word
success
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 rate of these companies.
Moreover
 , educational qualifications
also
 display whether or not
employees
 are hard-working . To be more specific , candidates need to encounter
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many challenges and difficulties if individuals long to acquire degrees
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their fields .
Consequently
 , these
employees
 are able to solve their assignments in
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effective and swift ways .
For instance
 , the highly successful company , Apple , accepted 200.000 officers who used to graduate from Havard University , which forced students to study more than 8 hours per day. In conclusion ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
degrees are crucial foundations for
employees
 to seek adequate jobs
due to
 proving professional abilities
as well as
 perseverance.
Hence
, the single way to have
well
Correct word choice
good
show examples
 jobs is by finishing university courses.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well by presenting a clear position on the necessity of a university degree for securing a good job. However, try to balance your argument by also acknowledging the potential counterarguments. This will provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your points are generally clear, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can disrupt the flow of your ideas. Try to proofread your work or ask someone else to check it for grammar and clarity.
task achievement
Inclusion of some statistics and examples enriches your argument, but ensure they are relevant and clearly explained. Some details, like the statistic about Apple, could be presented more clearly to strengthen their relevance.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the conclusion to restate the main points more succinctly. The current conclusion is good but could be a bit more concise and impactful.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples and statistics to support your main points, which adds credibility to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your position, which helps to reinforce your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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