In recent years there has been a considerable rise in crime committed by young people in large cities. What has caused this? What solution can you suggest?
Recently, the surge in crime rates amongst young individuals in large metropolises has become
noticeably
Change the word
noticeable
due to
the rise in cost
of living, pushing Add an article
the cost
the
vulnerable young Correct article usage
apply
people
toward committing crimes. To solve this
problem, the government could consider helping the young cope with city's
Correct article usage
the city's
live
, by lowering rental expenses for those individualsReplace the word
life
,
and organising career workshops to help Remove the comma
apply
they
secure Correct pronoun usage
them
jobs
.
It is inevitable that living in a metropolis is increasingly expensive. For example
, rental fees in big places such
New
York City or Sydney have doubled since Change preposition
as New
last
decade. Besides
, it is competitive to find jobs
as more people
migrate to those urban areas for a chance to achieve a better life. Hence
, it is difficult for young people
, especially those who just enter
the workforce and Wrong verb form
entered
could not
afford Wrong verb form
cannot
bare
necessities to survive, and they are lured toward committing crimes Correct article usage
the bare
such
as thefts
or burglary to gain monetary means. Fix the agreement mistake
theft
Additionally
, the financial burdens could cause stress and depression among youngsters, turning them toward the act of crimes
as a way to release their tension.
In order to solve the issue, the government should step in and assist those young Fix the agreement mistake
crime
people
. By setting up career workshops to educate as well as
prepare young people
for future jobs
, the unemployment rate could be reduced, so
Correct word choice
and so
will
the crime rates. Wrong verb form
would
Moreover
, policymakers could work toward a goal to reduce housing leases fee
for young Fix the agreement mistake
lease fees
people
, which can lighten up the financial burden on them and reduce depression incidents among the group.
In conclusion, young people
in big cities involve
in crime Wrong verb form
are involved
following
an increasing manner, owing to the inclination of living expenses in Change preposition
in
big
Add an article
the big
a big
city
. To solve Fix the agreement mistake
cities
this
issue, the government could aid in by
reducing rental fees for Change preposition
apply
such
people
, as well as
holding career fairs to aid them in their jobs finding
process.Correct your spelling
job-finding
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on
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task achievement
To further improve your task achievement, ensure each point is supported with relevant, specific examples and evidence. For instance, when discussing career workshops, you could provide more detailed examples of how these have been effective in specific contexts or countries.
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
The topic is thoroughly addressed, and the proposed solutions are insightful and relevant.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.