Write about the following topic: Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
It is argued by
some
that the development of technology has connected Capitalize word
Some
people
together whereas
others believe that this
issue technology
has Change preposition
of technology
splited
numerous families. Correct your spelling
split
This
writer inclined that the statements have pros and cons.
There can be no doubt that in the mordern
era, Correct your spelling
modern
schoolars
have generated Correct your spelling
schools
variety
of Add an article
a variety
platform
on the Internet. To put it simply, more websites and applications are created for Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
people
to have conversations regardless the
distance between Change preposition
of the
people
. Consequently
, the innovation of sociable platforms could provide a better condition for human to express their feeling and thinking. Take Facebook as an
compelling reason, where Change the article
a
people
from different regions can easily message and have an appointment online.
However
, a lot of computer games can effect
children, leading to depression and Correct your spelling
affect
become
more Wrong verb form
becoming
introvert
. Instinsically, parents Replace the word
introverted
are allowed
teenagers to access the internet Wrong verb form
allow
unsupervisely
can make them addicted to Correct your spelling
unsupervised
the
social media or games. Correct article usage
apply
Nonetheless
, this
issue can influenced
Change the verb form
influence
child's
Fix the agreement mistake
children's
concept
, lots of children are separated from their parents because of Fix the agreement mistake
concepts
the
devotion Change the word
their
in
video games. Change preposition
to
Thus
, balancing the time spending
online and physical activities Wrong verb form
spent
are
crucial.
It is the opinion of the writer that Correct subject-verb agreement
is
due to
high-tech devices, people
can improve the quality in
communication. It must be observed that Change preposition
of
compare
to the Wrong verb form
compared
pass
, where table Correct your spelling
past
phone
were uncomfortable and Fix the agreement mistake
phones
bad
sound quality, Add a missing verb
had bad
however
, in recent year
diverse Fix the agreement mistake
years
type
of smartphones Fix the agreement mistake
types
provide
Wrong verb form
have provided
a better video calls
and Correct the article-noun agreement
a better video call
better video calls
more
convenient because of the scale. Currently, Add a missing verb
are more
people
tends
to have more Change the verb form
tend
conversation
online, which can strengthen Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
people
's relationship
Therefore
, technologies play a vital role in human's
Change noun form
human
live
helping Replace the word
lives
people
have more chance
to talk and make more friends, but they need to restrict the time Fix the agreement mistake
chances
spend
onlineWrong verb form
spent
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task achievement
You present both viewpoints clearly, which is commendable, but some points could be further elaborated for a more comprehensive discussion. For instance, discussing more specific examples or studies could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure overall, but the flow can be improved. Linking sentences and transition words can help in creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, which provides a good structure to your essay. However, ensure that your conclusion succinctly restates your key points and provides a clear final stance on the issue.
task achievement
Your discussion includes relevant examples such as Facebook and video games, which illustrate your points well.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction and conclusion in your essay, which outline and summarize the main points respectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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