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Band 7

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#species #animals #risk
There can be little doubt that several animal
species
 are in danger of being extinct. The root causes for
this
 are poaching and deforestation, yet it can be tackled by the government strengthening the
laws
. The underlying root of animal extinction is illegal overhunting and poaching. It must be recognized that numerous cultures still hold the belief that animal parts possess medicinal properties.
As a result
, the misunderstood of the medicinal purposes of some parts of
animals
 leads to extensive poaching and illegal trade, severely impacting the populations of a variety of
species
.
Furthermore
, poaching not only makes various
animals
 extinct but
also
 destroys the whole ecosystem of the other
species
-environment.
For instance
,
according to
 the research that took place in South Africa, where the local inhabitants hunt
rhinos
 in order to get their horns, the population of
rhinos
 decreased by 67% just in the period of 5 years from 2011 to 2016.
Additionally
, there is a correlation between the population of
rhinos
 and their predators. The researchers have shown that the number of predators of
rhinos
also
 fell by almost 10
species
 per week during the time the research was conducted. Cutting down trees is another point
that is
 worth consideration.
This
 is because most of the wildlife inhabits the forest.
Moreover
, some plants inside the forest not only provide shelter for various
species
 but
also
 provide food for them. Take China as a prime example here, the number of pandas declined from 10 thousand to almost 1 hundred
due to
 the destruction of bamboo forests.
However
, a solution can be found in reinforcing the regulations. The most effective approach is government should strengthen anti-poaching
laws
 and jungle protection
laws
as well as
 increase the penalties for violators.
As a consequence
, the wildlife will be safe
due to
 the strict
laws
.
For example
, in Vietnam, after the authority increased the penalties for people who break the
laws
,
consequently
 the percentage of wildlife deaths was reduced to merely 5%. Taking all points into account, it has been demonstrated that illegal hunting of
animals
 and forest destruction
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
show examples
 to the extinction of many
animals
.
Thus
, if the
laws
 are not strict, the government will fail to preserve the numerous
species
 of
animals
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well and provides relevant examples. However, make sure to proofread for minor grammar and vocabulary issues, as some sentences could be clearer.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which are well-connected to the body paragraphs. Keep this up, and consider using more linking phrases to improve the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Try to enhance the clarity and detail of your points. While your explanations and examples are strong, making your arguments more precise can elevate your score further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, and you make good use of paragraphs to separate ideas. However, refining the flow between sentences within paragraphs can make your essay more fluent.
task achievement
Excellent use of relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Clear and organized structure with a strong introduction and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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