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Band 5.5

Many people believe that keeping young criminals in prison is the only way to stop them from committing crimes again. What are the advantages and disadvantages of keeping minor convicts behind bars?

#people #criminals #prison #crimes #convicts #bars
Some people believe that keeping young criminals in prison is an effective way to prevent them from reoffending. The impact of committing crimes is catastrophic for individuals, the environment, future generations, and the development of a country.
Therefore
, the government should enforce strict rules to address
this
 issue. On one hand, there are several advantages to keeping young criminals in prison. By not allowing them a second chance to remain outside, the likelihood of them committing
further
 crimes is reduced. In prison, they can be guided to become more aware of their actions and less impulsive.
Additionally
, the police can monitor and manage their activities, ensuring that they engage in positive and productive
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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 that help them overcome their criminal past.
On the other hand
, there are significant disadvantages to
this
 approach. Young criminals may feel isolated and deprived of opportunities for personal growth if they are confined to a cell with limited access to the outside world. They
also
 have the right to freedom and compassion within their society. It would be unfair if a former criminal, who has reformed and contributed positively to society, is not allowed to reunite with family and friends. In conclusion, the government and police should carefully assess the severity of crimes committed by young offenders and consider their
behavior
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behaviour
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 during incarceration.
This
 way, they can ensure that the rights of these individuals are respected
while
also
 protecting society from
further
 harm.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt and discusses both advantages and disadvantages, it could benefit from more specificity and clearer examples. Providing specific instances or theoretical scenarios could strengthen the relevance and depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The coherence of your essay is generally good, but ensuring a smoother transition between ideas could improve the overall flow. Using more linking words and phrases could help guide the reader seamlessly through your points.
coherence cohesion
You could further enhance your introduction by briefly mentioning what the main points of your essay will be. This will set clearer expectations for the reader, making your essay more structured and easier to follow.
task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both advantages and disadvantages of incarcerating young criminals, showing a balanced view of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You've successfully included an introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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