IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more businesses as well as individuals are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than being face to face.

#businesses #individuals #technology #face
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Nowadays, Societies prefer having conversations whether for work or for personal relationships indirectly using their gadgets.
Firstly
, I will discuss the benefits of that communication.
Secondly
, I will explain the
problem
 caused by overusing technology in conversations. Indirect technology communications like social media are used relatively for various purposes within our societies. On the positive side, it makes
people
 effortlessly reach
others
 in an instant.
As a result
, job tasks that require
conversation
such
 as meeting with clients, could be done quickly.
This
 happens because of the advancement of devices, making communications always available everywhere
in particular
.
However
, some
people
 argue that the device has various variables to disrupt its communication
such
 as network errors.
Nevertheless
, that
problem
 could be fixed by the speed of the devices to exchange information with the other.
Moreover
, the
problem
 itself is usually easy to fix. To put that in perspective, if a person visits an isolated area where the internet network is hard to reach, they could give information to their relatives before reaching the area. Other solutions
such
 as buying local networks
also
 could be more highlighted. In general, The advantage of utilizing gadgets daily for
conversation
 is to minimize the effort of clearing tasks.
While
 talking with
others
 using modern devices regularly has advantages, there are
also
 consequences,
such
 as
people
 misinterpreting
others
' feelings. Misunderstandings are mainly caused by the
conversation
 not being too intimate.
In other words
, intimacy could be the source of some relationship problems like with clients and with other relations. As much as intimacy correlated with these problems, some adults believe that
people
 are not being too sensitive to read what
others
 think is the source of the
problem
. Even so, direct communication makes
people
 effortlessly predict their partner's mind.
For example
, Indonesian Social experts state that long-distance relationships have 50% more chances to fail than normal in many research papers.
In addition
, Most businessmen prefer to meet their clients directly in a cafe and utilize their social media like WhatsApp to arrange that meeting. In short, misunderstandings could be hindered by limiting the use of the gadgets.
Overall
, The benefit of using technology to greet
others
 is the undemanding aspect of clearing the tasks.
In contrast
, the
problem
 with
this
 way of
conversation
 is sometimes the
people
 are being misinterpreted with each other.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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task achievement
Make sure to have a clear and more detailed thesis statement in the introduction. This will help set up a more structured essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to more consistently link ideas within and between paragraphs to enhance coherence. For example, use transitional phrases more effectively.
task achievement
Include more diverse examples to support your points more comprehensively. This will demonstrate a stronger understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have clearly structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communication.
task achievement
You made good attempts to explain and support your ideas with relevant points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Efficiency
  • Convenience
  • Instant messaging
  • Video calls
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Economical
  • Accessibility
  • Physical barriers
  • Nuanced understanding
  • Impersonal
  • Misunderstandings
  • Reliance
  • Technical failures
  • Vulnerable
  • Security breaches
  • Hacking
  • Data theft
  • Sensitive information
  • Digital communication
  • Face-to-face interactions
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