IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is a controversial debate over the matter if it is better for
employees
Use synonyms
 to work remotely or if they should be present at the office. Many people argue that working from home is advantageous;
however
Linking Words
, I hold the conviction that there are
also
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 some demerits. On the one hand, there is a widely held belief that remote working can give
employees
Use synonyms
 freedom.
This
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 is to say, many workers may accomplish their tasks and their remaining time can be dedicated to learning new skills or expanding the previous ones. The other probable influencing factor might be enhancing the productivity of workers.
In other words
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,
employees
Use synonyms
 do not feel obliged to travel to their workplaces;
consequently
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, they strive to finalize their tasks completely and without any errors, which leads to a higher proficiency. Staff in Microsoft,
for instance
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, has been working remotely two days per week since 2021; interestingly,
according to
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 a survey conducted in
this
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 company, the job satisfaction rate has escalated by 40 per cent.
However
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, many think that
employees
Use synonyms
 who are allowed to work remotely might underperform as there is no strict supervision of their function.
Therefore
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, companies might face some harmful consequences
as a result
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 of their
employees
Use synonyms
' malfunctions. The other demerit of remote working
that is
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 worth considering is that it can bring about social isolation, meaning that individuals who do not go to their workplaces have fewer interactions with other people leading to depression, weaker social connections, and several behavioral problems. During the COVID-19 pandemic,
according to
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 research, the rate of depression among
employees
Use synonyms
 increased by about 60 per cent.
Employees
Use synonyms
 reported that their daily chat with their colleagues used to play a motivating role
whereas
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 after lockdown they significantly felt isolated. In conclusion, after considering both viewpoints, I am inclined to believe that,
although
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 working from can offer more freedom, being present at the workplace can cause people to stay more active and enthusiastic to continue their work.

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task achievement
Your task response is generally well-developed. However, ensure every point is fully elaborated upon to clearly convey your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain consistent terminology (e.g., 'disadvantages' instead of 'demerits' for consistency). This helps in maintaining coherence.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, reiterate the main points discussed in the essay. This reinforces your argument and leaves a lasting impression.
task achievement
Further elaborate the counter-arguments to demonstrate a balanced discussion. This will enhance the depth of your task response.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow in your essay is strong, and paragraphs are well-organized with clear main ideas and supporting details.
task achievement
The inclusion of specific examples, such as the Microsoft example and COVID-19 statistics, strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both explicit, providing a clear framework for the essay discussion.
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