The government spend enormous amount of money on renovation of old buildings in large cities. Some believe that this money is better spent on building new houses and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument?
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Many are of the opinion that governmental funds should be allocated towards erecting new residential facilities and improving
roads
rather than reconstructing outdated buildings
in metropolitan areas. However
, I am largely in disagreement with this
perspective since the construction of new housing buildings
and road renovation
require a significant amount of financial and environmental resources, thereby placing substantial burdens on society.
Advocates argue that the government should invest in constructing new housing facilities and repaving roads
due to
the influx of a large population into the main cities, resulting in a high demand for residences. The population surge is attributed to the concentration of conglomerates and prestigious schools in capital cities and downtown areas. Consequently
, job seekers, workers, and students hoping to enter these organizations gather in city hubs. Such
a phenomenon creates a need for additional accommodations to house the growing demographics. Coupled with
this
, the high population density causes severe traffic congestion due to
the increasing number of drivers, which makes the expansion and renovation
of roads
necessary.
Nevertheless
, the construction of new residences and road expansion could negatively impact government finances and the environment. Setting up new buildings
requires considerable money and effort, from purchasing land to installing systems such
as water, electricity, and gas pipelines. Consequently
, such
plans might be financed by imposing additional taxes on citizens, leading to financial difficulties for them. Furthermore
, during the renovation
of roads
and pavements, the use of significant amounts of machinery like forklifts, cranes, and haulage vehicles emits harmful greenhouse gases such
as methane and carbon dioxide. This
exacerbates environmental issues like global warming and air pollution and increases fine particulate matter. In contrast
, the renovation
of existing old buildings
is not only more cost-effective than constructing new structures since the frameworks and infrastructures are already in place, but it also
reduces emissions from transportation and manufacturing. Moreover
, well-refurbished buildings
can also
attract people and become travel attractions, vitalizing the local economy. For example
, Covent Garden in London, a famous attraction area, was transformed from an old flower and fruit market into a vibrant shopping centre offering diverse entertainment options such
as street performances and various restaurants. It has become one of the well-known hot spots in the UK.
I firmly believe that such
development deteriorates environmental degradation due to
greenhouse gas emissions generated during the construction. Therefore
, the government should consume public money for the renovation
of old buildings
, which not only requires less expenditure but is also
more environmentally sustainable.Submitted by uzookim on
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coherence
While your overall argument is clear, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next would improve coherence. For instance, adding more linking phrases can help guide the reader.
task response
Your essay would benefit from addressing potential counterarguments more explicitly and then refuting them. This would strengthen your argument.
cohesion
Try to maintain a consistent tone throughout. While your vocabulary and grammatical range are impressive, occasional fluctuations in formality can affect the overall impression.
task response
The essay shows a strong understanding of the topic and addresses the question effectively. The main points are well-developed and supported with relevant examples.
coherence
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Points are well-organized and easy to follow.
task response
The example of Covent Garden in London is particularly effective in illustrating how the renovation of old buildings can benefit the local economy and attract tourists.
cohesion
Your language use is advanced, and the variety in sentence structures keeps the essay engaging.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example