IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both of these two views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishment #type #crime #circumstances #motivation #account #two
It is undeniable that some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each
type
 of
crime
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there is no absolute agreement on whether the circumstances of a
crime
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the
punishment
. The most common belief when it comes to deciding the
punishment
 for a specific
type
 of
crime
 is overviewing the committed
crime
. That means, it should
or it is
Verb problem
not
show examples
matters
Wrong verb form
matter
show examples
 what kind of
crime
 the punisher did. We cannot deny that there
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
crime
. Of course, it
based
Add a missing verb
is based
show examples
 on the level of it.
For instance
, robbery,
murder
, kidnapping, abuse and so on. So here the main point is
,
Correct word choice
that, law
show examples
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
 mostly observes the
type
, to illustrate the
murder
. Killing is
heavy
Add an article
a heavy
show examples
crime
 which obviously leads to big consequences. The
punishment
 for it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is prison for a long amount of time or for a
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand, robbery should not be given
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
punishment
 as a
murder
 case,
due to
 its
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 in the eyes of
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
. Robbing is not considered as big as a
murder
crime
;
therefore
, punishments should be fixed before addressing it. Another view of some people, the individual and the motivation
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 committing the
crime
 must have been
thought
Verb problem
considered
show examples
 when deciding a
punishment
.
For example
, criminals might have done it because of the situation. They could have
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had no other choice.
Also
, many cases have proof that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 most people
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 not been aware of committing a
type
 of
crime
 because they do not have enough knowledge about it. After everything mentioned
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
to conclude
, in my opinion,
while
 deciding the
punishment
, the
type
 of
crime
 and
criminals
Fix the agreement mistake
criminal
show examples
 potential should be taken into account.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to further elaborate on each point to give a deeper analysis of both perspectives. It will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen coherence by using more sophisticated linking words and phrases. This will make the transitions between your points smoother.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to consistently use accurate and varied vocabulary. This will enhance the clarity and precision of your ideas.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines both perspectives, which sets a good foundation for the essay.
task achievement
The essay covers both views and provides your own opinion, achieving a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which helps in maintaining clarity.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!