IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In order to learn the way other people in the world lives, it is better to look at film and video records than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,when people want to learn how other humans live around the globe they can either choose films or documents as sources of information. Personally, I neither agree nor disagree with these methods. As a matter of fact, I think the combination of both of them leads to better outcomes. Living in the twenty-first century has made people use gadgets all the time , especially the digital native generation. They learn much faster through movies about the traditions of other individuals.
Moreover
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, these sorts of clips are usually made of document summaries.
In other words
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, by watching a documentary video you kill two birds with one stone.
For instance
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, students who have a visual style of learning get the gist of knowledge faster by a film about a particular culture than by reading about it.
On the other hand
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, some human beings rather use the traditional method of learning than stick with the technology. They probably understand the information better through reading and imagining how it is done in their minds.
In addition
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, essays get published after going through checks yet that can not be said for clips.
For example
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, if an essay about a traditional custom is coming out the government checks the content of it to make sure it is based on facts.
However
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, movies and films released via YouTube are individually made and the filmmaker gives their own comments and information which are not always based on the truth.
To sum up
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, there are many means when comes to knowing about lifehood of other nations
such
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 as watching a film on social media or reading about it on Google. In my view, both of them have noticeable advantages and individuals should not limit themselves to choosing only one.

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Task Achievement
Consider maintaining consistent clarity by avoiding minor grammatical errors and improving sentence structures. Minor mistakes like missing articles ('the digital native generation' instead of 'digital native generation') and parallelism errors (e.g., 'rather use' should be 'prefer using') can disrupt flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical coherence by explicitly connecting ideas between paragraphs. The transitions can be more fluid, making the essay's flow smoother for the reader. For example, explicitly linking the points about technology with the examples from the second and third paragraphs could be helpful.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide slightly more balanced paragraphs in terms of length and detail. For instance, the point about people preferring traditional methods can be expanded with more examples or further explanation, thus adding depth.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging both films/videos and written documents as useful learning methods. This demonstrates an ability to consider multiple perspectives.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the students with a visual style of learning and the process of checking written documents, adds substance and credibility to the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the discussion, providing context at the beginning and summarizing the main points at the end. This helps readers follow the overall argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • visual engagement
  • real-life depictions
  • emotional connection
  • auditory stimuli
  • cultural immersion
  • memory retention
  • multi-sensory learning
  • author's bias
  • objectivity
  • accessibility
  • video records
  • film representations
  • everyday activities
  • broader audience
  • enhance understanding
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