IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage if money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Describe both these views and give your own openion.

A few individuals hold the view that the most appropriate approach is to accept the likelihood of job dissatisfaction or insufficient finances,
while
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 many think of improving
such
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 circumstances.
Although
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 acceptance would lead to composure, I believe the idea of improvement would open up new opportunities for betterment. On the one hand, there is a general view that adjusting to unlikely situations,
such
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 as inadequate job-linked outcomes or limited money generation, leads to greater contentment and reduced stress associated with securing better managerial positions and lucrative careers. With limited anxiety, people would not develop critical health issues which have detrimental long-term impacts. A good example to support
this
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 is that of my neighbour, who was never satisfied and worked two jobs, which ultimately led to a decline in his health and ended up being confined to a wheelchair.
On the other hand
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, the other lot holds the stance that one should work towards improving the current situation. The important thing is that by working hard, people will be able to generate more income. With rising inflation, financial security would contribute to a stable life.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in rural communities in Brazil has found that about 30 per cent of the workforce experienced a major shift in their lives
due to
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 working overtime at the organisation.
To conclude
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,
although
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 one should be able to live with things
such
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 as unsatisfactory work or inadequate finances, the benefits of hard work would lead to a promising future for the family,
thus
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 contributing to security and stability.

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task
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and keep it steady through the essay.
coherence
Use simple, short sentences and clear idea lines to help the reader.
task
Give simple, exact examples that directly support each point.
coherence
Link ideas with clear, easy links (and, but, also, for example) to show how ideas go together.
structure
Two sides are shown and your own view is clear.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present and connect to the task.
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