Some people believe that hosting an international sporting event is beneficial for the country, while others disagree. Do the benefits of hosting a major sporting event outweight the drawbacks?
Some
people
feel that broadcasting international games
benefits to
the country's sport. Others argue that hosting international Change preposition
apply
games
gave
a detrimental effect. In Verb problem
has
this
essay, I will argue that hosting international games
should be given benefit
to children and local Wrong verb form
beneficial
players
who can get international experience watching these games
.
One of the advantages of why broadcasting international events is more important to the country. for school players
and club players
who need to improve their skills and personalities. watching a game it is the best option. because these players
haven’t get
a chance to play with international Change the verb form
got
players
. such
as rugby and football. international teams, they are using more intelligent technics for win to the game. So these methods apply
to their Wrong verb form
applied
games
it
may help to get a significant change to the county sports.Correct pronoun usage
apply
thus
broadcasting international game
may Fix the agreement mistake
games
led
to help interested in Change the verb form
lead
be led
games
and develop their skills.
On the other hand
, one of the disadvantages is that not broadcasting
local Wrong verb form
broadcast
TV
channels
. People
need to pay money for subscriptions. Especially broadcasting frequency not support
Wrong verb form
supported
to
Change preposition
by
the
local Correct article usage
apply
channels
. and people
need to add on
international sports Change preposition
apply
channels
such
as star
Capitalize word
Star
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
Sports
, espn
Correct your spelling
and ESPN
however
without private broadcasters people
are unable to get these viewing facilities for example
diolog tv
, Correct your spelling
TV
peo
Correct word choice
and peo
tv
. With monthly subscriptions, Correct your spelling
TV
people
need to pay more money for that.
thus
, internationally not shoving local tv
Correct your spelling
TV
channels
, who need to watch that, firstly
need to preachers privet broadcaster.
In conclusion, i
would Change the capitalization
I
argu
that broadcasting international Correct your spelling
argue
games
it
provides more Correct pronoun usage
apply
benefit
to the Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
country
sports Change noun form
country's
thy
can improve skills and techniques.Correct word choice
because thy
on
the other hand these facilities Capitalize word
On
not
for free. Add a missing verb
are not
People
need to perchers before watching the games
its
not suitable for poor Correct your spelling
it's
people
.Submitted by dhanushkalakmal19 on
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task achievement
The essay tends to stray off-topic, focusing more on broadcasting than on the actual impact of hosting international sporting events. Make sure to address the exact question posed in the prompt. Stay focused on discussing the benefits and drawbacks of hosting international events, not just broadcasting them.
task achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat repetitive and not well-supported with specific evidence. To improve, provide concrete examples and elaborate more on how hosting international events can benefit local athletes and the country. Focus on developing each idea fully.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear topic sentences and logical transitions between paragraphs. This makes it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and logical connectors to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay does have an introduction and conclusion, but they are not effectively structured. Improve the introduction by clearly stating your thesis. Enhance the conclusion by summarizing key points more effectively.
overall
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to make the essay more engaging. Avoid repetitive phrasing and ensure each sentence contributes something new to your argument.
overall
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy. There are multiple instances of grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, missing articles, and awkward phrasing.
task achievement
The essay makes an effort to address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to provide reasoning for each point made, which is crucial for developing a coherent argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.