Fast food is becoming a part of live everywhere , negatively affecting our lifestyles and diets . To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

Consuming junk food is becoming all-pervasive in
this
modern world than ever previously .
However
, there remains a discrepancy as to whether the total impacts of their lifestyles and diets have been advantageous
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
disadvantageous to the sustainable growth of civilized society .
Whereas
many put forward the opposite proposition , I hold the belief that the imperfectness of these junk
products
is far outweighed by the practical benefits . First and foremost , the detrimental impacts that fast food has on customers are things that should be considered seriously . Obviously , junk
products
can result in eventually lead to overweight
as well as
diabetic conditions . It should be pointed out that individuals may be suffering from health issues when people consume a large amount of lipids, so more substances become redundant and turn into obesity .
Furthermore
, one of the critical problems associated with these refreshments containing mass quantities of refined sugar has been the healthcare problems resulting in diabetic conditions . Via seeing a variety of precooked foods awareness campaigns, teenagers may be appealed to
this
as well as
consumers are predicted to purchase
this
sort of product.
In addition
, there is incontrovertible evidence that there is encourage an inactive lifestyle for younger generations . It can not be denied that there are large quantities of individuals who have a lot on their plate so they tend to ignore their mental and physical healthcare simultaneously. By dint of convenience food , saving time is one of the most
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
factors that can help employees feel full
while
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
need
Wrong verb form
needing
show examples
to cook everything .
Moreover
, because of
this
function , citizens prefer to purchase ready meals to save their souls from a hectic schedule so it
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
harmful consequences that people are becoming inactive
as well as
turning a blind eye to healthy
products
especially fresh and organic foods to process complete meals for themselves. To recapitulate , instant meals with the convenient amenities that they off human beings
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
been a position of strength for the evolutionary development of the
state of the art
Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
show examples
world
while
their detrimental impacts must be considered seriously to consume
this
Change the determiner
this product
these products
show examples
products
.
Therefore
, it is the reason that caused a wide range of health issues so clients should be alert when purchasing it through advertisements.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on using transitions more effectively to guide the reader through your points. For example, words like 'Moreover', 'Additionally', and 'However' can help provide a clearer logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your supporting points are directly related to that idea. This will help in maintaining focus within each paragraph.
task achievement
Be cautious with your word choice to avoid awkward phrasing and minor grammatical errors. Proofreading your work can help you catch these mistakes.
task achievement
You should aim to include more varied sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
To reinforce your arguments, try to use more specific examples and evidence. This will make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
Your essay touches upon relevant aspects of the topic and provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of fast food.
coherence cohesion
You have organized your essay into clear paragraphs, which helps in maintaining clarity for the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: