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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.
#bar #hours #week #teenagers #activities #chester
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The bar chart illustrates how
teenagers
Use synonyms
 spend their time at the weekend by doing some
activities
Use synonyms
. Here are all the
activities
Use synonyms
 that we are going to describe in
this
Linking Words
 report: going to pubs/discos, watching
television
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, shopping, doing homework, doing sport, watching DVDs and bowling. The bar chart shows that
teenagers
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 have the lowest interest in bowling but the highest interest in watching
television
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.
Teenagers
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 like the most to watch
television
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moreover
Linking Words
 they spent 25
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 in 2002 and
then
Linking Words
 in 2007
this
Linking Words
 value increased to 35-36
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
. We can say they spent almost 2 days a
week
Use synonyms
 just watching TV, which
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not good. Another point worth highlighting is bowling. Teenager’s interest was slowly falling from 4 to 1 hour per
week
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, about other
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as going to pubs/discos and shopping the chart shows that their result
also
Linking Words
 increased, since 2002 and they spent 17-18
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 going to pubs/discos and 15
hours
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 per
week
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 shopping. Other
Use synonyms
activities
Change noun form
activity's
activities'
show examples
 result was felt but not significantly. In summary, from 2002 to 2007
teenagers
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 wanted more to do nothing by watching
television
Use synonyms
 than do other
activities
Use synonyms
 that required some movement.
Submitted by vladkruglovfencer on

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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words teenagers, activities, television, hours, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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