Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is argued that
parents
who send their kids to non-government
schools
should not be forced to pay tax
that help Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
Correct article usage
the nation
nation
educational system. Change noun form
nation's
While
paying tax
for Correct article usage
the nation
nation
educational system important, I believe that Change noun form
nation's
parents
who enrol their children should not be forced to pay a tax
.
I would argue that parents
should not be forced to pay tax
to assist Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
nation
educational programs. Replace the word
national
Firstly
, these parents
are reducing the number of students in government
schools
, which may have a negative impact in
Change preposition
on
the
student performance. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, if all of the students on
the nations enrolled in Change preposition
in
government
schools
, they may not have equal access to study materials and computers. Thus
, this
might increases
drop out from the Change the verb form
increase
schools
,
and affect their school results. Remove the comma
apply
Secondly
, when the number of private schools
increased, it increases
employment opportunities for the state. These might even give the Wrong verb form
increased
government
to collect more taxes from private school’s
Change noun form
school
employee
and Fix the agreement mistake
employees
employer
. Fix the agreement mistake
employers
Finally
, when parents
send their kids to private schools
, it reduces the government
expenditure in
Change preposition
on
schools’
materials Change noun form
schools
such
as computers, desks, and other audio-visual learning materials. These will help the government
to save more money to allocate to nation’s
education system.
Correct article usage
the nation’s
On the other hand
, the government
can build schools
if everyone contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
tax
for the nations
educational program. Change noun form
nation's
This
will assist the government
to expand
Change preposition
in expanding
schools
in rural and in
hard-to-reach areas. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, government
might be able to make Add an article
the government
the
Correct article usage
apply
government
school
as competitive as private Fix the agreement mistake
schools
schools
.
In conclusion, I completely agree that parents
who send their kids to non-government
schools
should not be pressured to pay tax
for the Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
government
educational program.Submitted by ttesfalove on
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task achievement
You have addressed the prompt and provided a clear argument against parents paying taxes for the state education system while sending their children to private schools. To improve, make sure you provide more specific examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized, but try to ensure that all paragraphs have smooth transitions between them. For example, connecting the second body paragraph’s points back to the first paragraph can create a more cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use precise language and vary your sentence structure for better clarity. Avoid repetition and ensure each sentence has a clear purpose.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This shows a good understanding of essay structure.
task achievement
You have provided a clear stance on the topic and attempted to justify it with relevant arguments, which indicates a good grasp on task response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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