Some people think that Olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Others say Olympic is a waste of money and the money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Whether being interested in events which can improve other
countries
relationships or a waste of Change noun form
countries'
country's
money
, the main purpose of Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
games
is still an argued problem. However
, from prior experience, it is more beneficial to admit that the Olympics
is an exciting event
due to
their
benefit that it could bring about and the improvement of companionship among Change the word
the
countries
around the world
despite those who believe that this
global event
is invested in meaninglessly.
It must be understood that the Olympics
is a global event
that not only brings other countries
together but also
improves the health of the
society. Correct article usage
apply
This
is due to
its significant effect on the world
. Olympic
games
are events that nations around the world
collaborate with each other to organize every four years. With this
commitment, relationship
among these Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
countries
will increased
through Change the verb form
increase
be increased
this
global event
. Thus
, the Olympics
can be a bridge connect
Change the form of the verb
connecting
people
all over the world
.
However
, some people
think that organization
of Correct article usage
the organization
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
games
is a waste of money
, they believe that money
can be used of
better reasons. There is a belief that the Change preposition
for
Olympics
bring
nothing but Verb problem
are
money
-consuming due to
its
major effect. Correct pronoun usage
their
Therefore
, we can image
easily the amount of Verb problem
apply
money
that has been spent on it. They are right to a certain extent, but the amount of this
money
is used as a reward for the winner of this
event
for their effort. Fortunately, the winner
usually Fix the agreement mistake
winners
does
not keep Correct subject-verb agreement
do
money
for themselves, they will offer it for charity actvities
and the poor so it can be hoped that Correct your spelling
activities
money
is used reasonably.
From this
writer's experience, the Olympics
is an event
that can encourage people
take
part in Add the particle
to take
sport
activities Change the noun form
sports
due to
its important impact. Those who have been inspired will have motivation to do exercises, as well as
improve their health. For example
, there was a research in 2008 that shows the percentage of people
who attended to
Change preposition
apply
sport
activities was highly increased in the period when the Change the noun form
sports
Olympics
happened. Hence
, Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
games
can enhance the health of not only the writer bus
Correct your spelling
but
also
the society.
Clearly, this
essay has shown the benefits which the Olympics
bring about are superior to the money
-consuming. Therefore
, Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
games
should be continued.Submitted by [email protected] on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
A more structured approach to organizing your ideas would enhance understanding. Consider clearly marking your paragraphs with topic sentences that directly relate to the task response.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate your arguments with more specific and relevant examples. Examples should be concrete and directly support your main points.
language use
Review grammar to avoid minor errors and enhance readability. Editing could polish your sentences, contributing to a smoother reading experience.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both perspectives on the issue, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
You have made good use of transitions and cohesive devices to link your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion successfully summarises your arguments and reinforces your opinion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example