IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that newspapers are the best media to learn and get information from, while others believe that the Internet is a better source. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #newspapers #media #information #internet #source
Some
people
 believe the best source for learning and getting
information
 from the
newspaper
;
however
, others think that the
Internet
 is much better than
newspapers
.In my opinion, I think the
Internet
 is a better source for getting
information
 and learning. Nowadays,the
internet
 is growing rapidly and
also
 gives us a new
way
 to get
information
.In the past,the
newspaper
 was the only
way
 to know what happened from all over the world.
However
,
newspapers
 had some practical problems stopping
people
 got the latest
information
.
For example
, journalists took time to write the paper,and later,it took more time to print out ,and delivering
newspapers
 all over the cities is the hardest.If
people
 who lived in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remote counties would take a few days or a few weeks to get the data or letters.
On the other hand
 ,the
Internet
 crosses over the
newspaper
's obstacle.The males and females no matter where they live could get the newest news without interruption.
For instance
, During the Covid-19 period,
people
 were not allowed to public spaces
such
 as schools, companies,and libraries.
Furthermore
,the public was afraid of touching anything because of unknown vital and
newspapers
 became one of
things
Add an article
the things
show examples
 that
people
 didn't want to touch.At the same time, students were not allowed to school and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet
 learning became the only
way
 to gain knowledge and get
information
 from the government. In fact,
newspapers
 are the real stuff that we can touch,copy,cut down and memorize the
information
 we care about.In the data explosion period,the real things are more precious than we can keep them in our diary.
Moreover
,
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 places without the
internet
, the
newspaper
 become more important.
To sum up
, in modern society, the
internet
 is a better
way
 to gain knowledge and
information
.
Submitted by diana1992lin on

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sentence structure
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are lengthy and could be clearer if broken into shorter ones.
coherence
To enhance coherence, use more linking words and transitional phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
grammar
Review your use of prepositions and articles to correct minor grammatical inaccuracies.
balance
Provide a slightly more balanced view by discussing the advantages of newspapers with more depth before stating your opinion.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
examples
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
clarity
Your opinion is clearly stated and consistently supported throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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