IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#shops #supermarkets #affect #communities #situation
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Nowadays there is more choice for the consumers
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 ever in the past. Most small towns have a large supermarket and you can buy any product on the internet with just the click.
This
 might be good for
consumners
Correct your spelling
consumers
 but small local
shops
 are competition and they have to close, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 we need to protect small
shops
 by closing. Large supermarkets have many stores all over the country. Because of
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 they are buying many
products
 for very cheap. Because they sell many
products
 they can have
very
Add an article
a very
the very
show examples
 small profit
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
margin on each item.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 many supermarkets have special offers and are very cheap. On, the other hand, small local
shops
 only have one shop and only sell
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 items.
Due to
 the small number they have to sell
products
 more expensive and don’t compete with the larger
shops
. If all
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
shops
 don’t compete
then
 they have to close.
This
 is very bad for local communities because there are only large supermarkets and larger
shops
.
This
 means that all places are the same as everywhere else and
also
 you can get the same
products
 but not different local
products
. I think that people should support the small
shops
 and try and use them for shopping. But not only the people can help. Maybe the government can help the small
shops
 to stay open and have cheap rent or cheap tax for them. In conclusion, I think that if local
shops
 close
then
 local communities
are
Verb problem
will
show examples
 not different or interesting. I think that all of us need to support local
shops
 and help them to survive.
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic effectively, it would benefit from specific examples to support the arguments made. Including real-life instances or statistical data can strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect clarity. For instance, "consumers then ever" should be "consumers than ever" and "for very cheap" should be "for a very low price." Carefully proofread your essay or use grammar-check tools.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are clearly stated and easy to follow, making the essay comprehensible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economies of scale
  • local employment opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • community engagement
  • property prices
  • homogenization of the retail environment
  • social gathering points
  • unique and specialized products
  • local heritage preservation
  • online retailers
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