Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.
Many individuals say that the new era of
technology
has divided people
, whereas
others think that due to
it we can stay much closer between
each other, rather than before. In Change preposition
to
this
essay, I will explain both points of view.
The idea of modern technology
for many people
concerned the idea of a fake life, almost superficial. People
sometimes felt
replaced Wrong verb form
feel
with
it, and with any doubt relationships are losing points in Change preposition
by
term
of credibility. Fix the agreement mistake
terms
For example
, today many people
videocall
friends Correct your spelling
video call
instead
of driving for two hours to visit them in person. In this
way
many Add a comma
way,
people
are misleading the importance of a real moment and taking for granted the relation with others.
Despite of
the negative Change preposition
apply
point
of viewFix the agreement mistake
points
aforementioned
, Correct word choice
apply
thank
to the cutting-edge Correct subject-verb agreement
thanks
technology
that we have today, we have the opportunity to do
not Unnecessary verb
apply
loose
the connection points with Replace the word
lose
people
and situations far from us. Every day we have the possibility to do
not feel alone. Unnecessary verb
apply
For instance
, I can not immagine
the Covid period without my devices. Correct your spelling
imagine
Due to
my phone
I had the opportunity to hear and to see my grandmother every single day and do not let her alone. Add a comma
phone,
In
that time Change preposition
At
technology
saved many life
, it was essential.
In conclusion, the new generation world has Fix the agreement mistake
lives
been
improved the importance of modern Unnecessary verb
apply
technology
in order to give to
it the right dignity. Obviously, as Change preposition
apply
everything
, we have to moderate the Change preposition
with everything
relation
Replace the word
relationship
from
us to our multiple devices to maintain a Change preposition
between
helthy
balance between reality and virtual life.Correct your spelling
healthy
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task achievement
To strengthen your task achievement, ensure that you delve deeper into both viewpoints instead of touching on them briefly. Incorporate more detailed examples and consider counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
For improved coherence and cohesion, focus on better connecting ideas within paragraphs and ensuring smoother transitions between them. Make sure each argument flows logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
Review your grammar, particularly sentence structure and preposition use. Consider phrases like 'despite of' which should be 'despite' and other small errors that can impact clarity.
task achievement
Your essay thoughtfully presents both sides of the argument, which shows a comprehensive approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and summarize the key points well, creating a cohesive structure.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite