IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

#technology #people #viewpoints
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Many individuals say that the new era of
technology
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 has divided
people
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,
whereas
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 others think that
due to
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 it we can stay much closer
between
Change preposition
to
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 each other, rather than before. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain both points of view. The idea of modern
technology
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 for many
people
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 concerned the idea of a fake life, almost superficial.
People
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 sometimes
felt
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feel
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 replaced
with
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by
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 it, and with any doubt relationships are losing points in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of credibility.
For example
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, today many
people
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videocall
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video call
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 friends
instead
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 of driving for two hours to visit them in person. In
this
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way
Add a comma
way,
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 many
people
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 are misleading the importance of a real moment and taking for granted the relation with others. Despite
of
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apply
show examples
the negative
point
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points
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 of view
aforementioned
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apply
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,
thank
Correct subject-verb agreement
thanks
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 to the cutting-edge
technology
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 that we have today, we have the opportunity to
do
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apply
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not
loose
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lose
show examples
 the connection points with
people
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 and situations far from us. Every day we have the possibility to
do
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apply
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not feel alone.
For instance
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, I can not
immagine
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imagine
 the Covid period without my devices.
Due to
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 my
phone
Add a comma
phone,
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 I had the opportunity to hear and to see my grandmother every single day and do not let her alone.
In
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At
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 that time
technology
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 saved many
life
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lives
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, it was essential. In conclusion, the new generation world has
been
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apply
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improved the importance of modern
technology
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 in order to give
to
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apply
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it the right dignity. Obviously, as
everything
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with everything
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, we have to moderate the
relation
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relationship
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from
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between
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 us to our multiple devices to maintain a
helthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
 balance between reality and virtual life.
Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on

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task achievement
To strengthen your task achievement, ensure that you delve deeper into both viewpoints instead of touching on them briefly. Incorporate more detailed examples and consider counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
For improved coherence and cohesion, focus on better connecting ideas within paragraphs and ensuring smoother transitions between them. Make sure each argument flows logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
Review your grammar, particularly sentence structure and preposition use. Consider phrases like 'despite of' which should be 'despite' and other small errors that can impact clarity.
task achievement
Your essay thoughtfully presents both sides of the argument, which shows a comprehensive approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and summarize the key points well, creating a cohesive structure.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
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