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Band 6.5

Describe an activity you do for your health or fitness

#activity #health #fitness
Getting fit and trim is everyone’s concern and I am no exception. To be honest, I’ve been so caught up in my work ever since I graduated, so I have little time to exercise, and
as a result
, I’m not as supple or agile as I used to be and I begin to feel stiff and sluggish first thing in the morning. So I decided to take a dance
class
 not long ago to try to lead a healthy lifestyle. Dancing is a great recreational and sporting choice because anyone at any age can take part. It is more demanding
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 it appears as it involves all the parts of my body. Dancing requires not only balance, strength, and endurance ability, but
also
 cognitive ability: adaptability and concentration to move
according to
 the music and partner, artistry for graceful and fluid motion, and memory for choreography.
Besides
,
this
 dance
class
 is the perfect setting to make new friends as I’ve got a chance to meet up with lots of new cool people and be able to branch out socially. By maintaining a schedule of taking part in the dance
class
 on a daily basis, I feel extremely relaxed and full of energy after the
class
. It helps me to keep fit and refresh my mind after a long stressful day. And of course, I don’t see myself stopping practicing
this
 activity any time soon.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is very well structured and flows logically. However, you might want to use more transition words to make the flow even smoother. Words like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'however' can help connect your ideas seamlessly.
task achievement
You might want to elaborate more on how dancing affects both your mental and physical health by providing more specific examples or personal experiences.
task achievement
Though the essay covers all necessary points, minor grammatical improvements can elevate it further. For example, 'more demanding than it appears' instead of 'more demanding that it appears' and 'chance to meet lots of new cool people' instead of 'chance to meet up with lots of new cool people.'
task achievement
You effectively use personal anecdotes to make your essay engaging and relatable, which is excellent for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an excellent introduction and conclusion that wrap up your points nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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