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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#friendships #place #people #face
There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the fact
friendships
 that take place online are not as meaningful as those where
people
 meet each other face to face.
While
this
 statement is valid to some extent, I consider myself
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an advocate of
this
 idea. Without a shadow of a doubt, physical
friendships
 can strengthen relationships through physical interaction.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that real-life
friendships
 allow individuals to hear the tone of voice, body language and facial expressions.
For example
, high-fives, hugs and shared activities can contribute to a sense of intimacy and enhance the
overall
 friendship experience.
While
 the redeeming features of face-to-face interaction are widely acknowledged, the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of online can not be ignored.
This
 is probably because meeting
people
 online can create meaningful relationships, especially with individuals who have the same interests.
For instance
, many like-minded
people
 who interact through online platforms
such
asFacebook
Correct your spelling
as Facebook
 can create deep connections by enjoying the same topics and gaining support from the
people
 who understand them. In conclusion,
while
 online
friendships
 offer convenience, face-to-face connections
remains
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 irreplaceable.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
Your argument is clearly presented and you effectively support your main points. However, try to provide more balanced evidence for both online and face-to-face friendships. Including specific examples or studies about the depth of online relationships could strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is mostly coherent and logically structured. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For instance, the phrase 'I consider myself as an advocate of this idea' could be worded more smoothly as 'I advocate this idea.'
coherence cohesion
Try to use transitional words and phrases to improve the flow between your points. For instance, using phrases like 'on the other hand' can make your comparisons clearer.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for your argument and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
supported main points
You effectively discuss both sides of the argument, showing a nuanced understanding of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-verbal communication cues
  • depth of understanding
  • spontaneous
  • genuine moments
  • shared interests
  • sense of physical presence
  • evolve
  • constant connectivity
  • nurture friendships
  • busy schedules
What to do next:
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