Some people believe that children are given too much free time.They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their time?
There is a common belief that
parents
should force their children
to spend more time
doing homework instead
of relaxing and entertaining. The writer of this
essay firmly agrees with the notion for several reasons, as the time
taken for studying would not only enhance a child's education
but also
create punctuality during the learning period.
The key aspect to why there is a trend of reducing offspring leisure
time
is that superfluous time
is usually spent playing video games, also
using technical gadgets. To explain further
, like an undeniable fact, the more minors spend on technology devices, the more they are addicted to it. As a result
, it will influence children
badly in various ways, for example
, health and education
. Moreover
, relaxing for a long time
could reduce a child's creativity due to
the lack of brainstorming along with
entertainment.
On the other hand
, leisure
time
would be very significant for many reasons. After a day of hard work, children
should be given some moments for resting, which could be considered a price for doing well, and also
a way for parents
to show their kids that they do care about what their progeny like
. Take a look at the final result, the relationship between the child and Add a missing verb
are like
parents
would be improved a lot.
Despite the above benefit of free time
bringing to both the youth and their parents
, the writer still believes that leisure
time
of children
should be reduced and replaced by small-period for learning. Obviously, spending more time
studying will enhance the education
of individuals, and lead them to a future that they or their parents
have expected. Furthermore
, learning duration can provide more sense of increasing punctuality, it can be explained through the schedule for learning every day. Unlike time
for playing or relaxing, its sustainability day-by-day would be a good method for children
to do, not just study, everything on time
.
To sum up
, although
leisure
time
can bring children
benefits, spending too much time
playing or entertaining would be against those benefits, and even cause harm. Instead
, parents
should force their children
to do more study or research that could enhance their education
, and also
punctualitySubmitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer separation of arguments in each paragraph. Try to focus on one main point per paragraph and support it with relevant examples and explanations.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to clarify and support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and help the reader understand better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to make the transitions smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented and clearly outline your stance and summary.
task achievement
You made an effort to balance the arguments by discussing both sides of the issue, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.