IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environment on problem for our time is to loss of particulare species of plans an animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

#people #environment #time #loss #particulare #species #plans #animals
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People
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that the major issue related to the environment is the extinction of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rare
animals
Use synonyms
 but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that there are many problems more urgent than. The writer of
this
Linking Words
 essay agreed that the disappearance of uncommon
animals
Use synonyms
 is not the most instant
problem
Use synonyms
. It can be seen that there are many important
Use synonyms
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
affect to
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
 the
environmant
Correct your spelling
environment
. Nowadays, people are faced
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 many environmental issues
such
Linking Words
 as
the run
Wrong verb form
running
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 out of fossil fuels, climate
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
 or deforestation
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
 a direct impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate changes make the earth
is getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
hoter
Change the word
hotter
show examples
 and
hoter
Change the word
hotter
show examples
,
Linking Words
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
then
Correct word choice
and then
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 the melting ice
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 of seawater
Correct your spelling
directly
diractly
Correct your spelling
directly
affect to
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
 the coastal
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, it is easy to understand that we
Correct your spelling
need
show examples
nee d
Correct your spelling
need
show examples
 to focus on many
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 environmental
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
However
Linking Words
, many residents argued that the disappearance of special
animals
Use synonyms
 is the most urgent issue. Every
Use synonyms
animals
Change to a singular noun
animal
show examples
 is important and if some
animals
Use synonyms
 disappear, it will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the cycle of life.
This
Linking Words
 point may be true, but it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 very urgent if just one animal species
disappear
Correct subject-verb agreement
disappears
show examples
 and we need to pay attention to
another issues
Replace the adjective
another issue
other issues
show examples
,
otherwise
Linking Words
, we should not ignore the
animals
Use synonyms
 The writer believed that we need to concentrate on many different
Use synonyms
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that we
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of significant
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
 and
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal problems
show examples
problem
Use synonyms
 is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
lot of time and money. Because of
this
Linking Words
, there are so many
difficult
Replace the word
difficulties
show examples
 to
takle
Correct your spelling
tackle
take
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and it
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 important than the extinction of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rare
animals
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the issue with species
Use synonyms
animals
Change preposition
of animals
show examples
 is very important but there are many more urgent problems we need to tackle
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
, it should
be pay
Change the verb form
be paying
be paid
show examples
 attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 several
matter
Change to a plural noun
matters
show examples
.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and includes a discussion of both views about the main environmental problems. However, the ideas could be more clearly and comprehensively presented. You should elaborate more on your points and provide more specific examples to support them.
coherence cohesion
Your essay’s structure needs improvement. The introduction could be clearer, and the conclusion should more strongly summarize the main points. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and your ideas should flow more logically from one to the next. Using transitional phrases could help improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work to catch grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Improving the grammatical accuracy and vocabulary will make your essay more polished and easier to follow.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and discussing both views, which is an important part of achieving a high task response score.
task achievement
You show awareness of different environmental issues and make some valid points about why some issues might be more urgent than the extinction of rare animals.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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