IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environment on problem for our time is to loss of particulare species of plans an animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.

#people #environment #time #loss #particulare #species #plans #animals
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People believe that the major issue related to the environment is the extinction of rare
animals
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 but others argue that there are many
problems
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 more urgent than. The writer of
this
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 essay agreed that the disappearance of uncommon
animals
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 is not the most instant problem. It can be seen that there are many important
problems
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 affecting the environment. Nowadays, people are faced with many environmental issues
such
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 as running out of fossil fuels, climate change or deforestation that have a direct impact on people's lives.
For example
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, climate changes make the earth get hotter and hotter, and
then
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 the melting ice leads to the increase of seawater directly affecting the coastal residents.
Therefore
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, it is easy to
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understand
understan
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understand
 d that we need to focus on many other environmental
problems
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However
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, many residents argued that the disappearance of special
animals
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 is the most urgent issue. Every animal is important and if some
animals
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 disappear, it will affect the cycle of life.
This
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 point may be true, but it is not very urgent if just one animal species disappears and we need to pay attention to other issues,
otherwise
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, we should not ignore the
animals
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 The writer believed that we need to concentrate on many different
problems
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that we face a lot of significant concerns and dealing with animal
problemsproblem
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problems
 is a
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waste of
wasteof
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waste of
 a lot of time and money. Because of
this
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, there are so many difficulties to tackle and it is more important than the extinction of rare
animals
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. In conclusion, the issue with species of
animals
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 is very important but there are many more urgent
problems
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 we need to tackle .
Hence
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, it should be paying attention to several matters.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single clear idea. For instance, the essay could be more detailed about why dealing with the extinction of species is less urgent than other environmental issues.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases effectively to link sentences and paragraphs, so your essay flows more logically. Words like 'On the other hand,' 'Furthermore,' or 'However,' could help.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by providing more relevant and specific examples. This would make your points more compelling.
task achievement
Make sure your essay thoroughly addresses both sides of the argument, explaining how each side relates to your own viewpoint more comprehensively.
task achievement
Good attempt at addressing the essay topic and providing a balanced view on the issue of environmental concerns.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which help to frame the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay displays a reasonable logical structure, making it relatively easy to follow the writer's argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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