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1) People have different views about that high school education should be concentrated on academic subjects as opposed to useful subjects like music and sport. While there are some benefits to sovereign, I believe that music and sport are usually more productive.

#people #school #education #subjects #music #sport
1) People have different views about that high school education should be concentrated on academic subjects as opposed to useful subjects like music and
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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.
While
 there are some benefits to
sovereign
Replace the word
sovereignty
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, I believe that music and sport are usually more productive. 2)
Whole
Correct article usage
The whole
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 world is more costly nowadays weddings as opposed to when drow an analogy to the past.
While
 a variety of modern weddings to positive, it would be that weddings are usually more costly. 3) It is true that
changed
Wrong verb form
changes
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 do not always environmental issues from pollution and climate the are various reasons why global decisions are made to decrease these issues, but
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 could certainly take steps to address
this
 issue. 4) Home education is being for their children, but there are
a
Correct article usage
apply
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multiple in a number of parents.
While
 a variety of factors may lead to outweigh
Correct article usage
the disadvantage
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disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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 it would be solution ineffective.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay needs more clarity and organization. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one to the next. Consider using transition words to help connect your ideas.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your ideas more thoroughly. Provide specific examples and explanations to support your points. This will help make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
Language Accuracy & Range
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Review your essay for language accuracy and try to use a wider range of vocabulary and structures.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt clearly. Your introduction should set the stage beautifully, but your body paragraphs and conclusion need to follow through with detailed and relevant points.
Introduction
Your introduction sets the stage for the essay effectively and introduces the topics that will be discussed.
Effort
You have attempted to address multiple topics which shows a good effort in tackling different aspects of the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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