IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Building underground transport systems (subways) is the best way to deal with traffic problems in cities.

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In
this
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 day and age, more contemporary attention has been placed on the suggestion of constructing a subway which is the best method of tackling
to
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apply
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traffic
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 issues in
cities
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.
Although
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 I understand some advantages of
this
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 suggestion, I still totally disagree with
this
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 statement for several reasons which will be discussed below.
To begin
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 with, those who believe that underground
transport
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systems
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 can reduce the high level of
traffic
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 jams because
cities
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 can take advantage of the area underground. In
this
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 way, the subways can decline the heavy number of
vehicles
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 on the ground. Moscow is the capital of Russia,
for example
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,
this
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 city has state-of-the-art subway
systems
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 that bring several benefits for
traffic
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 in
this
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 place.
Nevertheless
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, I still oppose
this
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 view for several reasons.
Firstly
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, regardless of possessing underground transportation, the issues related to
traffic
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 congestion still increase seriously over time. The reason is that the
transport
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systems
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 underground may be able to have a similar
traffic
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 problem as on the ground because of the growth of the number of
vehicles
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.
As a result
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, it is doubtful whether
this
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 solution may not able to be effective for a long time.
In addition
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, it tends to waste budgets from the government
However
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, unlike subways,
cities
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 still have other solutions to tackle
traffic
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 congestion
such
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 as encouraging residents to use public transportation. The
cities
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 can improve public
transport
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systems
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 by increasing the quantity of buses, and trains.
Therefore
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, the numerous personal
vehicles
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 can decrease
as well as
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 the
traffic
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 issues can be solved. In conclusion,
although
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transport
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systems
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 constructed in
cities
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 have their advantages and disadvantages, I firmly disapprove of
this
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 suggestion because subways and public
vehicles
Use synonyms
 are equally vital.

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task achievement
While the essay introduces the topic and presents a clear opinion in the introduction, ensure that all main points discussed are equally well-developed to strengthen your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on making your arguments flow more naturally by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help improve the logical structure and overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will add depth to your argument and demonstrate a better understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and lexical resource, as there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor errors that could be improved for a higher score.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and states your position on it, which sets a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a logical conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
task achievement
You provide a relevant example to support your argument about the advantages of subways, which strengthens that particular paragraph.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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