Nowadays in some countries children are given fewer responsibilities compared to the past. Some people believe it is a positive development while other argue otherwise. Discuss both views. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

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On the one hand, supporters of
this
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idea refer to the fact that
pupils
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who are assigned more
responsibilities
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tend to be prepared for more critical situations.
In other words
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, if students learn to simultaneously accomplish more than two works, they will unintentionally learn
critic
Replace the word
critical
show examples
management and problem-solving skills. In the United States,
for instance
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, schoolchildren are given some
tasks
Use synonyms
regarding some existing issues and they would be given extra marks if they were able to solve them. The other viewpoint of
this
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group is that
,
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apply
show examples
taking
children
Use synonyms
seriously and entrusting them with
responsibilities
Use synonyms
can cause
children
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to show a considerable amount of creativity and
thus
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motivation;
consequently
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,
pupils
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with higher levels of creativity and eagerness will have a better academic function. In Japan, as an example,
according to
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a survey,
pupils
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who were
a
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apply
show examples
part of an important task showed a remarkable increase in their performance.
By contrast
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, opponents of
this
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idea point out that giving
pupils
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more
responsibilities
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will contribute to their weaker performance at school.
This
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is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
their excitement for doing specific
tasks
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may distract them from their educational scopes. A student who is supposed to fulfill two or three
tasks
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might face
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of time and it might lead to his academic underperformance.
Secondly
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,
according to
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this
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belief,
pupils
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are still in the process of learning and are required to be considered novices.
Therefore
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, it is better
schoolchildren
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for schoolchildren
show examples
concentrate
Fix the infinitive
to concentrate
show examples
on their education path and prioritize their learning targets. In Japan,
for instance
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, students are not given extra
tasks
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or
responsibilities
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because it is believed that these extra
tasks
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are potential sources of distraction. In conclusion, after considering both viewpoints, it seems advisable that
children
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should be encouraged to concentrate on their education;
however
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, giving more
responsibilities
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to
children
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potentially
opening
Wrong verb form
opens
show examples
a pathway
into
Change preposition
to
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more serious
tasks
Use synonyms
later on.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and concise introduction that outlines the topic and your stance. This helps in setting the context for your readers.
Logical Structure
While your essay is logically structured, consider having a clearer topic sentence for each paragraph to make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
Supported Main Points
Make sure to connect your examples more explicitly to each point you make. This will strengthen your arguments and show how they support your overall thesis.
Complete Response
Your essay provides a thorough discussion of both views, which is essential for a complete response to the task.
Relevant Specific Examples
You use relevant and specific examples, such as the cases from the United States and Japan, which effectively support your points.
Logical Structure
The logical flow of ideas is commendable, and you manage to maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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