Some people think that having a set retirement age( 65 years) for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at earlier age. • Do you agree? • Which type of worker do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reason for your answer and include any recent example from your knowledge of experience.

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retirement

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age has sparked a heated debate. Some people think it is fair to retire at 65 for everyone,

while

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others argue that some special occupations deserve an earlier

retirement

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. Personally, I agree with the latter view.

This

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essay with give reasons on my point of view with examples. Undoubtedly, social welfare should be equail to all citizens,

however

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, every job is a different profession which has specific demands in different areas.

Therefore

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, some workers ought to retire when their conditions are no longer best fit the role after consistant devotion to their duties.

For example

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, occupations that involve heavy physical labor,

such

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as construction workers, miners, and factory workers, should be considered for early

retirement

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due to

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the toll on their bodies over time.

Moreover

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, jobs which are exposed to risks and dangers,

such

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as firefighters, police officers, and military personnel, should have the option to retire early because these are professions under high risks which may lead to severe physical and mental stress. Many jobs are associated with intensive energy consumption, life dangers and hazardous working environment, it is justified for people conducting these jobs to retire and receive their pension at an ealier age.

This

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policy can

also

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encourage young people to engage in these occupations

thus

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benefiting the scociety as a whole.

To conclude

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, different occupation should have a different

retirement

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age, especially the ones with heavy duties and under risks.

This

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will not break the equality of scocial benefits, inversely, there may be advantageous effects for harmonious scocietal development.

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning studies or statistics about the physical toll of certain jobs would be beneficial.

task achievement

Avoid small grammatical errors such as 'consistant' instead of 'consistent' and 'scocial' instead of 'social'. Proofreading your essay before submission would help in identifying such mistakes.

coherence cohesion

Use more varied sentence structures to make your essay more engaging. This will also improve the flow of ideas and make your arguments more compelling.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction clearly states your viewpoint, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.

logical structure

The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs dedicated to distinct ideas. This makes it easy to follow your argument.

supported main points

The arguments presented are relevant, and the examples given, though somewhat general, effectively support your points.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

retirement age
pension
occupations
unfair
physical labor
risk exposure
health impact
mental stress
hazardous materials
emotional strain
skill obsolescence
technological advancements
eligible
long-term health risks
provisions for early retirement

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