IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

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The human
population
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 has been growing globally. It is argued that
this
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 phenomenon is the most challenging issue of the current era. There are a
number
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 of causes leading to
this
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 problem.
This
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 essay discusses the underlying reasons and my own point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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sating
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stating
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 why I agree with
this
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 statement.
To begin
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 with, the main reasons involved in
population
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 growth are related to the advances made in science.
First,
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with the
progresses
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progress
signs of progress
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 of medical sciences, the life
expectency
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expectancy
 has significantly increased.
This
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 phenomenon has two consequences in turn. A growing
number
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 of
people
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 are reaching the fertility age and
therefore
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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contribute to reproduction. On the other side, if
people
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live
Wrong verb form
lived
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 longer, they
woud
Correct your spelling
would
 have been taken into account for the
population
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 census.
In addition
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, in some developing countries, individuals do not have access to proper healthcare and health education. Taking contraceptive methods as an example, some
people
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 are not aware of their use.
Hence
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, they will give birth to more children, compared to
people
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 in developed countries. It can be claimed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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demographic growth is the most critical problem that humanity is facing in today's world. Some regions of the world are facing the consequences of
this
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 problem, and it will
entangles
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entangle
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 other countries as well. On one hand, as the
population
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 increases, the detrimental impacts of human activities increase.
For instance
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, in recent decades the increasing
number
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 of various industries has
worsend
Correct your spelling
worsened
worsen
worsens
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global warming.
On the other hand
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, there is
mismatch
Add an article
a mismatch
the mismatch
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 between the
number
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 of
people
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 and the natural resources.
For example
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, in some regions of
Africa
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Africa,
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 there is a shortage of water. In conclusion, the rising size of the
population
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 is the most vital challenge in today's life. There are some local and some universal reasons which
has
Change the verb form
have
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 led to
this
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 case.

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task achievement
While the essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, it could be further strengthened by offering more specific and varied examples to support the points made. Additionally, addressing more global perspectives and possible solutions could enrich the discussion.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but more complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary could improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your arguments. Try to elaborate your points with additional details for a better grasp of the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your paragraphs. Using linking phrases effectively can help to make connections between your ideas more explicit.
coherence cohesion
It's great that you have an introduction and conclusion, both of which restate and summarize your main points. Try to ensure that each paragraph transitions seamlessly to the next to maintain a smooth flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but incorporating more specific examples and statistical data where relevant would add depth to your arguments and make your essay stand out.
task achievement
You have addressed the task comprehensively, identifying clear causes and effects of population growth, and you've presented a well-structured essay with a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, which helps the reader to follow your arguments easily.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing your argument and providing a sense of closure.
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