IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #world’s #population #humanity
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The human
population
 has been growing globally. It is argued that
this
 phenomenon is the most challenging issue of the current era. There are a
number
 of causes leading to
this
 problem.
This
 essay discusses the underlying reasons and my own point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
sating
Correct your spelling
stating
show examples
 why I agree with
this
 statement.
To begin
 with, the main reasons involved in
population
 growth are related to the advances made in science.
First,
with the
progresses
Change the wording
progress
signs of progress
show examples
 of medical sciences, the life
expectency
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 has significantly increased.
This
 phenomenon has two consequences in turn. A growing
number
 of
people
 are reaching the fertility age and
therefore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contribute to reproduction. On the other side, if
people
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 longer, they
woud
Correct your spelling
would
 have been taken into account for the
population
 census.
In addition
, in some developing countries, individuals do not have access to proper healthcare and health education. Taking contraceptive methods as an example, some
people
 are not aware of their use.
Hence
, they will give birth to more children, compared to
people
 in developed countries. It can be claimed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
demographic growth is the most critical problem that humanity is facing in today's world. Some regions of the world are facing the consequences of
this
 problem, and it will
entangles
Change the verb form
entangle
show examples
 other countries as well. On one hand, as the
population
 increases, the detrimental impacts of human activities increase.
For instance
, in recent decades the increasing
number
 of various industries has
worsend
Correct your spelling
worsened
worsen
worsens
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming.
On the other hand
, there is
mismatch
Add an article
a mismatch
the mismatch
show examples
 between the
number
 of
people
 and the natural resources.
For example
, in some regions of
Africa
Add a comma
Africa,
show examples
 there is a shortage of water. In conclusion, the rising size of the
population
 is the most vital challenge in today's life. There are some local and some universal reasons which
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 led to
this
 case.
Submitted by Sh.ferdowsian94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, it could be further strengthened by offering more specific and varied examples to support the points made. Additionally, addressing more global perspectives and possible solutions could enrich the discussion.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but more complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary could improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your arguments. Try to elaborate your points with additional details for a better grasp of the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your paragraphs. Using linking phrases effectively can help to make connections between your ideas more explicit.
coherence cohesion
It's great that you have an introduction and conclusion, both of which restate and summarize your main points. Try to ensure that each paragraph transitions seamlessly to the next to maintain a smooth flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but incorporating more specific examples and statistical data where relevant would add depth to your arguments and make your essay stand out.
task achievement
You have addressed the task comprehensively, identifying clear causes and effects of population growth, and you've presented a well-structured essay with a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, which helps the reader to follow your arguments easily.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing your argument and providing a sense of closure.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: