IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are forgetting the meanings behind occasions, such as national celebrations. What do you think are the causes of it? What solutions do you suggest?

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Occasions
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as national
holidays
Use synonyms
, are increasingly forgotten among
people
Use synonyms
. The main reason behind
this
Linking Words
 is the hectic lifestyle of the population, and the solution would be
giving
Change the verb form
to give
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 more days off for the aforementioned
holidays
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. The primary cause of
people
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 failing to remember
such
Linking Words
 events is the increase in
work load
Correct your spelling
workload
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. Nowadays companies demand a lot from their
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
,
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a result, there is massive pressure on
people
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 to cope with the day-to-day work.
Due to
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which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 there is less interest and time to celebrate
such
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occasions
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. In India,
for instance
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, 3 out of 5 workers have no idea about the Independence Day of India. The solution to
such
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 problems would be allocating more
holidays
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 for all workers around
this
Linking Words
 time of the year.
This
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 will allow
people
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 to be more excited and plan the
holidays
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.
This
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 will make the public more happy and more thoughtful about the occasion.
For example
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, in Amsterdam every year for the king’s birthday, all the residents are given
holidays
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 and they come together and celebrate it near the canal. It is
also
Linking Words
 considered one of the biggest
holidays
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 in
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
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,
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apply
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 and is loved by all the locals and tourists. In conclusion, the failure to recall
such
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occasions
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 by
people
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 is because of the
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
show examples
 life.
However
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,
this
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 can be easily addressed by giving
holidays
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 around
such
Linking Words
occasions
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 to make sure
people
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 look forward
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the events.

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coherence cohesion
Consider refining your introduction. While it introduces the topic, it could be slightly expanded to provide a clearer overview of the essay structure and the points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and structure. Some sentences are straightforward, and varying the structure can improve the flow and readability.
task achievement
Provide more depth to your arguments. For instance, the essay could explore additional reasons for forgetting national celebrations, and potentially more nuanced solutions.
task achievement
Ensure the essay addresses all sides of the issue. Discuss any opposing viewpoints or additional perspectives to create a balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support main points, such as the reference to Amsterdam and India's Independence Day.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by identifying a cause and suggesting a solution.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow and progression of ideas, making it easy to follow the writer's argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural Homogenization
  • Traditions and Customs
  • Interconnected
  • Urbanization
  • Modern Lifestyle
  • Fast-paced lifestyle
  • Digital Platforms
  • Historical Significance
  • Commercial aspects
  • Curriculum
  • Generational Gap
  • Exposure
  • National Celebrations
  • Heritage
  • Preservation
  • Cultural Identity
  • Commemoration
  • Rituals and Traditions
  • Cultural Awareness
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