IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the biggest problem facing cities is the increasing number of cars. Others say there more serious problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people argue that the large number of automobile production is causing more
problems
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while
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 others think there are other
problems
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 which outweigh the current one. In my opinion, I think other
issues
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such
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 as
poverty
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, health
issues
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 and employment
issues
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 should be addressed. On the one hand, we can see that the high production of automobiles, especially in cities, is causing
problems
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such
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 as pollution and emission of harmful gases and
this
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 in turn affects mankind.
For instance
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, in
India
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India,
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 places like Mumbai
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 densely populated and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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high
Change the article
a high
the high
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 number of cars where pollution is a main concern and is causing
problems
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such
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 as asthma and other breathing difficulties.
In addition
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 to
this
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, we witness accidents and
also
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 noise pollution which affects the elderly and small ones.
On the other hand
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, the present world is facing other
problems
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such
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 as crime,
poverty
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 and employment
issues
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. I think the increasing number of crimes makes people more dreadful to live.
For instance
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, we can see that recently in Israel, lots of kids and women were killed without mercy.
Apart from
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this
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this,
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 we can
also
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 see that because of the fast-paced environment and increasing population youth find it difficult to get jobs, which is
also
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 a leading cause of
poverty
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.
Moreover
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, in some places like India, every hour lots of women and kids are getting raped and still they are not able to get justice
also
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. In conclusion, even if automobiles cause
problems
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, I think that there are some
issues
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such
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 as crime and
poverty
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 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 taking place at an
unprecedent
Correct your spelling
unprecedented
 growth causing more
problems
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 mankind.

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task achievement
To enhance your task response, ensure that all points are developed thoroughly. While you provided examples, some ideas, particularly around employment and poverty, could be expanded with more specific examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and points. Ensure each paragraph clearly supports your thesis and connects logically to the next. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states both sides of the argument and your own opinion, which sets a strong foundation for your essay.
supported main points
You have identified relevant issues such as crime, poverty, and pollution, showing a good understanding of the topic's complexity.
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