Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people think that
school
should award Fix the agreement mistake
schools
students
who have the best academic achievement while
others argue that rewarding students
who show improvement
is more important.Although
the students
who have the best scholarship will receive the award due to
their ability to earn something that they can do better than others,I believe that the pupils who present themselves as a
Change the article
an
improvement
person should deserve the award too because it points out that they have the effort
to make something better in some way.
Firstly
, nowadays there are many schools that are very competitive in terms of quality of education within their schools, so to see which students
have achieved education, that is
to organize the
academic competition. Correct article usage
an
For example
, some students
in my school have prepared themselves individually for the contest. And the
candidates must have not only their own goal but Correct word choice
The
also
their abilities to receive the best results
. This
means that the students
who have the best academic
performance should deserve the reward
because it proves that they can do better than the other students
in their field. Moreover
it shows that they have the abilities and skills to do it.Add a comma
Moreover,
Thus
, rewarding the students
who have best
academic Correct article usage
the best
results
is important for them because it might make them feel more morale
.
Correct your spelling
moral
On the other hand
, the students
who studied harder and showed more improvement
should get the reward
too.I think they should get the reward
because it points out that they have an effort to improve their knowledge.For instance
, in my schools when
the Rephrase
apply
students
showed their improvement
by always doing something special in the classroom or the
total amount of score when they had a test.Change preposition
by the
This
can lead to the best outcome for them if the things they try to achieve were
successful and the Wrong verb form
are
results
are very different from the previously
.Change the word
previous
This
will represent the improvement
of themselves and get the reward
.Hence
, having the
Correct article usage
a
reward
for the students
who show improvement
is significantly
because it might lead them to Replace the adverb
significant
the
better way of doing something.
In conclusion, rewarding Correct article usage
a
students
who have best
academic Correct article usage
the best
results
and showing their improvement
is the
Correct article usage
an
importance
thing to do because it helps them to have more passion and confidence to succeed and improve themselves in the future Replace the word
important
as well as
their own personal goals and development.Submitted by jakeladder on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, as you discussed both views and included your own opinion. However, the clarity of ideas can be improved. Consider breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones to enhance readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay has room for improvement. Some points could be better organized to make your argument more compelling. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
Task Achievement
To further support your main points, it would be beneficial to include more relevant and specific examples. This will make your argument more persuasive and well-rounded.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay contains a strong introduction and conclusion, which help frame your argument well.
Task Achievement
You have adequately addressed both views and provided your opinion, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!