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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Consumers are faced with an increasing number of advertising by competing companies To what extent do you think consumers are affected ? What measurements can be taken to tackle the problem?

#consumers #companies #measurements
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In current times, a great deal of advertisements
which was
Verb problem
that
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 appeared by
businesses'
Change noun form
businesses
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 contesting , led citizens to encounter
with
Change preposition
apply
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them.
Although
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 these
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
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 of adverts are advantageous for industrial improvement,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 would impact
people
Use synonyms
detrimental
Change the word
detrimentally
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.
Step by step
Add a hyphen
Step-by-step
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 marketing management is spreading and
in
Change preposition
as
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result
Add an article
the result
a result
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 of
this
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 ,individuals are
adopting
Correct pronoun usage
adopting it
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. Obviously, the
affect
Replace the word
effect
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 of
this
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has
Verb problem
is
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 already known.
Consequently
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, advertisements have been
setting
Wrong verb form
set
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 many times , even in some circumstances they will interrupt
people
Use synonyms
 as the reason of sequence.
Apart from
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this
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 , if there are some discounts for any products , they will purchase
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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, even though they don't have to buy
this
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 item and actually
this
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 thing will not be necessary in their lives .
For instance
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, even children are affected by advertisements and with reference to parents, kids have been more obstinacy than
previous
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in previous
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 decades.
Thus
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, a considerable amount of offers was
consulted
Verb problem
made
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 to the government about advertising. As
One
Fix capitalization
one
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 of the main
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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, advertising should have been controlled,
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nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
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marketologists
Correct your spelling
bracketologists
 say that it had already got out of hand.
However
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, in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 advertising ought to be shrunk, in terms of length. Specifically, the responsible individuals have to manage it in an adequate way. Especially, in social media,
people
Use synonyms
 will encounter
with
Change preposition
apply
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adverts per minute, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 only one method which could assist us to overcome
from
Change preposition
apply
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it is restriction. Namely, some limitations on advertising will be beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
. The chairman of the internet should restrict it , afterwards to advertise companies should do payment for it
,
Remove the comma
apply
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since it is free to advertise their manufactures In conclusion, for
this
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 problem not only can the government aid , but
also
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 businesses will help with involving
products
Change the noun form
product
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 quality, not their status in the world's competition.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
There are some instances where sentence structure is unclear, which can confuse readers and break the flow of the essay. Strive to create smoother transitions and make your points clearer.
task achievement
While the essay addresses how advertisements impact consumers, it would benefit from more specific examples and clearer illustrations to support the main points.
supported main points
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear main idea that is supported with specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your argument and make the essay more coherent.
introduction conclusion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the argument and bring a sense of completion.
task achievement
There is an attempt to cover both parts of the task by discussing the impact of advertisements and potential solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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