In many countries, people are consuming more sugar-based drinks than before. Why is this happening, and what could be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

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In many nations, individuals are drinking more drinks with sugar than in the pastime. The primary reason behind
this
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is
dopamine
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spike in the human
brain
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because one's
brain
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feels better after using sweet
beverages
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, and the most concrete solution to
this
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predicament is educating school and college
students
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to make future generations aware of it. Consuming sugar-based drinks results in
dopamine
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in one's
brain
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getting boosted.
This
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is because the human
brain
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needs pleasure to run smoothly, when an individual consumes sugary
beverages
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, it feels tasty to the tongue, and it gives a signal to the
brain
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to consume it more.
For instance
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,
a
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apply
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research completed by a college in India that
consumption
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of sugar-based liquors transmits
dopamine
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to the
brain
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and it demands more of these types of
liquids
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. What can be done to eradicate
this
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problem is to educate school and college
students
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about the detrimental and disastrous repercussions of consuming sugary
beverages
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on our health. When
students
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come to know about the adverse effects of these
liquids
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, they will be able to guide others and advise them to stop the
consumption
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of these sweet
liquids
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. The government should launch campaigns to save future generations from addiction to these
liquids
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.
For example
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, the Ukrainian government took the initiative to tackle
this
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issue in 2010
due to
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which there is a huge reduction in
consumption
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of these
beverages
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. In conclusion,
although
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dopamine
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spikes an intellectual system to consume more sugary
liquids
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, the predicament can be resolved by spreading awareness among
students
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, and
this
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way
consumption
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of sugary drinks is reduced to an extent.
Submitted by Kirandeepkaur on

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Coherence
Your essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively addressing the topic. However, consider varying your sentence structures and using transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
You've identified main points related to the increase in sugary drink consumption and proposed solutions, but further development and support of your ideas could strengthen your argument. Consider adding more specific examples or data to back up your points.
Language Usage
Ensure to use a variety of vocabulary and grammatical structures to enhance your expression and avoid repetition. This will also help in making your essay more engaging and demonstrate your language proficiency.
Task Achievement
Effectively identifies and addresses the main topic and subtopics within the essay, showing a good understanding of the task.
Structure
Good use of an introductory and concluding paragraph, enhancing the clarity and structure of the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumption
  • Addiction
  • Marketing
  • Advertisement
  • Beverage companies
  • Affordability
  • Accessibility
  • Health impacts
  • Awareness
  • Education
  • Crave
  • Social gatherings
  • Cultural factors
  • Alternatives
  • Reduce consumption
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