In many countries, people are consuming more sugar-based drinks than before. Why is this happening, and what could be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?
In many nations, individuals are drinking more drinks with sugar than in the pastime. The primary reason behind
this
is dopamine
spike in the human brain
because one's brain
feels better after using sweet beverages
, and the most concrete solution to this
predicament is educating school and college students
to make future generations aware of it.
Consuming sugar-based drinks results in dopamine
in one's brain
getting boosted. This
is because the human brain
needs pleasure to run smoothly, when an individual consumes sugary beverages
, it feels tasty to the tongue, and it gives a signal to the brain
to consume it more. For instance
, a
research completed by a college in India that Remove the article
apply
consumption
of sugar-based liquors transmits dopamine
to the brain
and it demands more of these types of liquids
.
What can be done to eradicate this
problem is to educate school and college students
about the detrimental and disastrous repercussions of consuming sugary beverages
on our health. When students
come to know about the adverse effects of these liquids
, they will be able to guide others and advise them to stop the consumption
of these sweet liquids
. The government should launch campaigns to save future generations from addiction to these liquids
. For example
, the Ukrainian government took the initiative to tackle this
issue in 2010 due to
which there is a huge reduction in consumption
of these beverages
.
In conclusion, although
dopamine
spikes an intellectual system to consume more sugary liquids
, the predicament can be resolved by spreading awareness among students
, and this
way consumption
of sugary drinks is reduced to an extent.Submitted by Kirandeepkaur on
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Coherence
Your essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively addressing the topic. However, consider varying your sentence structures and using transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
You've identified main points related to the increase in sugary drink consumption and proposed solutions, but further development and support of your ideas could strengthen your argument. Consider adding more specific examples or data to back up your points.
Language Usage
Ensure to use a variety of vocabulary and grammatical structures to enhance your expression and avoid repetition. This will also help in making your essay more engaging and demonstrate your language proficiency.
Task Achievement
Effectively identifies and addresses the main topic and subtopics within the essay, showing a good understanding of the task.
Structure
Good use of an introductory and concluding paragraph, enhancing the clarity and structure of the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite