n many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
The population of elderly
people
in the world is rising recently as people
are living longer than before. This
phenomenon indeed has both positive and negative impacts on society. But this
essay will contend that on balance the advantages of having more elderly people
outweigh the negatives.
that being said society has more elderly people
, it is because nowadays many people
are aware of their health by eating a good diet and working out. this
healthy lifestyle can be taught to their children so that their descendants will also
have good health as well. As in Japan, elderly people
still fit and take a social service job in their retirement time. It also
helps reduce unemployment, as most of the elderly people
have already settled in financially so that they can support their families independently. Many ageing population also
pleasure to taking care of their grandchild, it will help especially for the working parents so they don't have any issues in leaving their children for work.
on the other hand
, many people
think that the elderly cause more problems and expenses in society. while
it is true that the government cost of retirement is increasing caused of this
phenomenon, the main problem might be the abandoned elderly in public social homes. Strengthening law enforcement will carry out this
problem effectively.
It is clear that
the elderly give
challenges to the government, but the positive impact of having the elderly around is more significant than the drawbackVerb problem
pose
Submitted by wiworose on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Your essay does respond to the prompt and covers both advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples and supporting details for your main points. The structure is mostly clear, but there are areas where the organization and flow of ideas could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
There are some issues with sentence structure and grammar that affect the clarity of your essay. For example, small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in places make it harder for the reader to follow your argument. Try to proofread your work carefully or use more varied sentence structures to improve the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You did a good job of introducing and concluding your essay. Your conclusion is brief but effectively summarizes your argument. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through your points more effectively.
task response
To strengthen your essay, consider adding more specific examples and data to support your claims. For example, you mention Japan and the elderly taking social service jobs, but providing statistics or more detailed examples would make your argument even more compelling.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear stance on the issue. This is a strong aspect as it directly answers the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position, which helps in reinforcing your argument to the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!