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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainments) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainments #society #individuals #decisions
while
 some
people
 believe
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
let
Wrong verb form
letting
show examples
children
 choose on their own for their daily routine activities makes them selfish in society when they grow up, others think it is necessary for
children
 to decide about events which are effective for them I strongly believe we have to give them
this
apportunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to decide by themselves,
this
 is their own
life
 . If we let our
child
 to be independent and make their own decision they would be able to solve their issue when they grow up. A
child
 who does all of her or his activity keeps
this
 behaviour untiluntill gets an adult and the things an adult does as an independent person are so clear they are supposed to be strong in their
life
 they know that have to do everything they want.
According
Add the preposition
According to
show examples
 the
Dr.
Change the punctuation
Dr
show examples
Fisher psychologist
researcher
Add a comma
researcher,
show examples
 he told in his latest speech almost 60% of
people
 who could make a dream
life
 were the persons who had to do their own activities and choose their routine
life
 when they were a
child
also
 suggested that you`d better to not be
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
strict by your
children
. So these
people
 can not be
people
 who just want to achieve their own goals and that could not happen.
On the other hand
, if we do not let them choose what they want to do, they will not feel like being free.
This
 idea can be effective on their mind to be limited, they think everything is not accessible for them and when they grow up they will a body who just want to find their own
wanted
Replace the word
wants
show examples
, goals and
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
.
For example
, if a
child
 wants to eat pizza for nights and his or her family do not let it, when it will an adult may every night eat that pizza so
this
 body anytime can not think about creating value for society. In all I believe
children
 have to be free so that anything not
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a limitation for them in
this
 case they can be a successful
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion to create a stronger structure.
supported main points
Develop and support your main points more thoroughly with specific examples and elaboration.
logical structure
Improve the logical flow by using more linking words and phrases that guide the reader through your argument.
complete response
Address the opposing viewpoint more comprehensively and acknowledge it in your response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly by structuring your sentences and paragraphs better.
complete response
Your essay acknowledges both viewpoints, which is a good approach to tackle the task.
relevant specific examples
The topic is relevant and your essay addresses it with a structured argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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