In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly parents have responsibility to both care of and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should parents intervene in in the lives of their fourteen and fifteen year old children.

In most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
teenagers
with
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sixteen and
more
Correct word choice
older
show examples
are awarded some superiority by
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
which makes them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
become more responsible about their actions and watch out
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
behavior properly. It is obvious that as a duty for
parents
of under the
age
of sixteen
children
, they are destined to guide their
children
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
they need to assume their responsibilities correctly. To start with,
it is clear that
a teenager’s personality is not completely
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
up by the
age
of eighteen, so it could be said that
parents
have a gigantic duty to educate and
rase
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
their
children
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
the best way they can. As if
children
are growing daily, they are
also
struggling with some ups and downs and difficulties which is totally normal for their
age
but may
also
cause some wrong actions with destructive consequences in future,
this
is the time that
presence
Correct article usage
the presence
show examples
of
parents
is so highlighted, they can both show respect to their
children
’s privacy and independency
while
they put their eyes on them and show them the right ways when it is needed.
For instance
, if
parents
find out that their child is stressed out about driving, they can calm him down by teaching him he is capable of doing it.
Moreover
, it can’t go unnoticed that
parents
are responsible for their
children
’s attitude in society. It is more required for
children
who are close to
reach
Change the verb form
reaching
show examples
the
age
sixteen
Change preposition
of sixteen
show examples
to see how their
parents
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their obligations and duties as adults, it makes them discover their upcoming responsibilities and try to get
along with
them, so it’s kind of smart and undirect intervention of
parents
that impact on teenagers without they even realize it. As an example, if
children
see that their
parents
follow the rules of driving, they learn to do the same subconsciously. It is true that
children
should learn how to live by various experiences that they make themselves not just by watching other’s actions and
chose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
whether it is good to do or not, but it is
also
necessary for them to be taught by their
parents
how to distinguish good from evil and behave as befits a human being in both society and personal life.
To conclude
, it is important for
parents
to intervene in their teenager’s
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
in some points that they don’t ruin
child’s
Correct article usage
the child’s
show examples
privacy and
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
but
also
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
effects
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their personality by watching him and having his back in hard times. Not to be forgotten that a correct action from
parents
can make
children
repeat it in future.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses the importance of parental guidance for teenagers approaching the age of sixteen.
task achievement
You successfully highlight the balance between respecting a child's privacy and guiding them when necessary.
coherence cohesion
The essay covers different responsibilities of parents effectively, providing both general and some specific points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: