IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is necessary to use animals for testing medicine intended for human use , while other argue that it is cruel to do that . Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #animals #medicine
People have different points of view when it comes to testing
medicine
 on
animals
, there are two different opinions. The first
opinion
 states that it is necessary to use
animals
 for testing
medicine
. Meanwhile, the other
opinion
 is quite the
oppsite
Correct your spelling
opposite
 of the first
opinion
 they see that it is cruel to taste
medicine
 on
animals
. In my
opinion
, I do agree with the second
opinion
, and in
this
 essay, I will discuss the reasons why.
Firstly
, testing
medicine
 on
animals
 could
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 our
inviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 in a negative way
such
 as
Change preposition
by spreding
show examples
spreding
Correct your spelling
spreading
speeding
 diseases and
disabilites
Correct your spelling
disabilities
 among
animals
 and it may increase the extinction of
animals
. Meanwhile, there are a lot of animal species that have been vanishing throughout the years
due to
 other factors it is not necessary to add another factor.
Secondly
, there are so many reasons why it is cruel to taste
medicine
 on
animals
. these
wiled
Correct your spelling
wild
show examples
 creatures belong in jungles and deserts not behind lap doors.
Also
, it is not reasonable to cause pain to these creatures with the improvement of science
that is
 happening these days. As long as scientists are responsible for harming
animals
 they should be finding a way to save
animals
instead
 of harming them even more.
Moreover
, there must be an organisation that
look
Change the verb form
looks
show examples
 onto
this
 kind of
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
 on behalf of the
animals
, it
requirs
Correct your spelling
requires
 to ,,,, a lawyer to sue the
scientsts
Correct your spelling
scientists
 that take advantage of the
animals
.
Finally
, scientists should find a way to test their
medicine
 that does not include testing them on
animals
.
Submitted by shahadht12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and that your ideas flow logically from one to another.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the conclusion could be stronger. Reiterate your main points clearly in the conclusion.
task achievement
Make sure to support each main point with specific examples, data, or anecdotes to strengthen your argument. For instance, mention specific cases where animal testing has led to significant issues.
task achievement
Some ideas are a bit unclear. Try to elaborate on your viewpoints more comprehensively and ensure that your points are clearly explained.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the two sides of the argument and indicates your stance clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs address distinct points related to your argument, making it easy to follow your reasoning.
task achievement
You bring up important ethical concerns about animal testing and advocate for alternative methods, which is a strong aspect of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • **Medical Advancements**: Progress in medical science through research and innovation.
  • **Efficacy**: The ability to produce a desired result or effect.
  • **Protocol**: Established procedures and guidelines.
  • **Cruelty**: Causes of suffering or pain deemed inhumane and unnecessary.
  • **Moral Responsibility**: The duty to behave ethically and considerately towards others.
  • **Synthetic Tissues**: Artificially created tissues used for research purposes.
  • **Viable Alternatives**: Practical and acceptable substitutes.
  • **Inhumane**: Lacking compassion and causing suffering.
  • **Stakeholders**: Individuals or groups with an interest or concern in a particular issue.
  • **Complex Biological Systems**: Intricate structures and functions of living organisms.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: