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Writing Samples
Band 5

Studies have shown that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison, so that they can get a job when they leave. Do you agree or disagree?

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A group of
people
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 believe that the best option to reduce crime is to educate prisoners in
prison
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. Because the researcher's results have illustrated that many criminals have a low degree of
education
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. I completely agree with these thoughts. On the one hand, teaching
people
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 for a job or something is not strange in
prison
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.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 educating
people
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 in jail has a number of disadvantageous sides. Take escape from
prison
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 as an example.
Firstly
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, they are planning to leave the
prison
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 as a good
prison
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 student. Previously in a
prison
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 break, they were thinking deeply and creating a team.
As a result
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, they may be free.
This
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 can lead to other crimes.
Then
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, they want to do other crimes
also
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that
Correct word choice
which
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I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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mean that knowledge is power.
On the other hand
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, receiving an
education
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 as a prisoner has many advantages.
For instance
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, they can get a job when they leave. All types of
people
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 have a passion for something. Take teaching, fixing something, managing or organizing as an example. In
prison
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, they take a test. These tests
about
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are about
show examples
 how to find the
people
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's interests or passions.
Also
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, one of the most useful sides of receiving an
education
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 for criminals
that
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is that
show examples
 I mean
this
Linking Words
education
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 will be definitely free. All of the money is covered by the country's government. Nowadays, all of the best opportunities are in
prison
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. If they want to study, they have more chances to get an
education
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 in which fields they want to receive.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can get knowledge at least or get a job when they leave. In conclusion, some
people
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 think
to educate
Change preposition
that educating
show examples
people
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 in
prison
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can lead to reduced crime. In my opinion, educating
people
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 is the best option to reduce crime.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly outline your main points in the introductory paragraph to provide a roadmap for your essay. This helps in creating a logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a single main idea, and use clear topic sentences to introduce these ideas. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points. This will not only provide clarity but also strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay close attention to the logical flow of your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, and use transitional words and phrases for better cohesion.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop each idea with explanations and examples. Avoid vague statements and ensure that each point is thorough and well-reasoned.
task achievement
You have made a clear stance on the topic in your introduction, which sets a good foundation for your essay.
relevant specific examples
The idea of testing prisoners to find their interests and passions is a good example that demonstrates how education can be beneficial for them.
introduction conclusion present
The essay concludes with a clear statement of your opinion, which aligns well with the introduction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • correlation
  • educational opportunities
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • economic benefits
  • criminal justice system
  • personal development
  • self-esteem
  • implementing
  • funding
  • resources
  • readiness
  • alternative solutions
  • job training
  • mental health support
  • social reintegration programs
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