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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children's time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. Others feel that children need free time to play and relax. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #time #school #activities #art #music #classes #sports
While
 some people think
childrean
Correct your spelling
children
 have to spend their
time
 in some classes like art and music or sports activities after their
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
othe
Correct your spelling
other
 groups think
that is
 better to let them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be free I
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with rather group. Filding
childreen
Correct your spelling
children
 all the
time
 in a day
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
graet
Correct your spelling
great
 for finding their talent when they are so young but it could be some
dangres
Correct your spelling
dangerous
dangers
danger
 for them. If a
child
 is at school for 8 hours in a day and
then
 she or he
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 to the gym or
ever
Correct your spelling
every
show examples
classes
Fix the agreement mistake
class
show examples
 namely, art music or theater for 2 hours, the
time
 it have is about 10 hours and
it is clear that
this
time
 should spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
sleaping
Correct your spelling
sleeping
. so any
time
 is not for playing as a
child
 it is better for families to
sing
Correct your spelling
sign
show examples
 up them in
this
 type of
classes
Fix the agreement mistake
class
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the summers
show examples
summers
Fix the agreement mistake
summer
show examples
. As far as children need
time
 for free or playing it is necessary to let them be a
child
 when they are. If a baby
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 busy likely
it`s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 parents there is no
time
 to enjoy
it`s
Replace the word
its
show examples
 life without any
overvelming
Correct your spelling
overwhelming
 situation. In some
reaserch
Correct your spelling
research
Dr.
Change the punctuation
Dr
show examples
Fisher
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 done, dreams and talent
discovers
Change the verb form
discover
show examples
 when we are
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 and our mind is empty and
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lots
a lot
show examples
 of
invetions
Correct your spelling
inventions
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 age 6 until 18. when these
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 are free without any thinking are
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
able to be the best version of themselves and
this
 is not going to happen
whith
Correct your spelling
with
 being busy as
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. In
conclousion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, people must let their baby to be comfortable and enjoy
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
childhood.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Your response addresses both views, but your opinion could be more clearly articulated and consistently maintained throughout the essay. Make sure that your stance is evident in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try to use more linking words and phrases. This will help create a smoother flow between ideas and sentences. Additionally, ensure each paragraph has one main idea that is well-developed.
task achievement
Your main points would be stronger with more specific examples and explanations. Incorporate relevant, concrete examples to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your writing includes an introduction and a conclusion which help structure the essay. Good job!
task achievement
You touched upon important points for both viewpoints. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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