Some people argue that money is the most important factor when it comes to stay in the jobs other think other wise discuss both sides and give your opinion
in
this
contemporary era, the main factor to motivates employees to stick to their occupations has been widely discussed. While
some people believe that cash is the most essential element others hold a different perspective. I am of the belief that job satisfaction and the work environment are more important considerations. In the following paragraphs
my point of view will be Add a comma
paragraphs,
further
discussed.
On one the hand, a category of individuals believes
that money plays an indispensable Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
rule
Correct your spelling
role
,
because it’s vital to Remove the comma
apply
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
the
life’s requirements and to have a free-stress environment. To illustrate, when people work in prestigious companies and earn high salaries, Correct article usage
apply
this
will definitely make them able to pay for their luxurious needs. Eventually, this
enables them to pursue their goals and dreams without being worried about money. For example
, as
per a study conducted by researchers at the Health World Organization, It was revealed that citizens who get high incomes enjoy less stressful life than others. What can be said is that high paid jobs Change preposition
apply
not
only necessary for essential needsAdd a missing verb
are not
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
for people's mental well-being.
On the other hand
, it is a well-known fact that the surrounding colleagues and the manager can affect the individuals’ decisions about their workplace. In other words
, if employees work with responsible supervisors and kind partners, this
will positively affect their opinions. Additionally
, achieving a sense of accomplishment can be considered a crucial factor to promote
workers to pursue their careers. A prime example is a survey conducted by New York Times magazine, It revealed that workers who get motivated and supported by their employers perform tasks with high productivity. Verb problem
encourage
Hence
other elements like how helpful coworkers and boss can be appointed as important considerations. Hence
other elements like helpful coworkers and boss can be appointed as important considerations.
In conclusion, after
this
essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that although
having a high-income job is quite essential, other motivators should be also
included. I am strongly convinced that working with cooperative staff could be a great motivator.Submitted by Fatimah
on
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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from minor grammatical corrections for better clarity, such as changing 'a free-stress environment' to 'a stress-free environment'.
task achievement
The argument could be developed further by discussing counterpoints. For example, addressing why some people may still prioritize money despite having a good work environment.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with specific examples, such as the study by the Health World Organization and the survey by New York Times magazine.