Some people argue that money is the most important factor when it comes to stay in the jobs other think other wise discuss both sides and give your opinion

this

Linking Words

contemporary era, the main factor to motivates employees to stick to their occupations has been widely discussed.

While

Linking Words

some people believe that cash is the most essential element others hold a different perspective. I am of the belief that job satisfaction and the work environment are more important considerations. In the following

paragraphs

Add a comma

paragraphs,

show examples

my point of view will be

further

Linking Words

discussed. On one the hand, a category of individuals

believes

Correct subject-verb agreement

believe

show examples

that money plays an indispensable

rule

Correct your spelling

role

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because it’s vital to

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life’s requirements and to have a free-stress environment. To illustrate, when people work in prestigious companies and earn high salaries,

this

Linking Words

will definitely make them able to pay for their luxurious needs. Eventually,

this

Linking Words

enables them to pursue their goals and dreams without being worried about money.

For example

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

per a study conducted by researchers at the Health World Organization, It was revealed that citizens who get high incomes enjoy less stressful life than others. What can be said is that high paid jobs

not

Add a missing verb

are not

show examples

only necessary for essential needs

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

for people's mental well-being.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it is a well-known fact that the surrounding colleagues and the manager can affect the individuals’ decisions about their workplace.

In other words

Linking Words

, if employees work with responsible supervisors and kind partners,

this

Linking Words

will positively affect their opinions.

Additionally

Linking Words

, achieving a sense of accomplishment can be considered a crucial factor to

promote

Verb problem

encourage

show examples

workers to pursue their careers. A prime example is a survey conducted by New York Times magazine, It revealed that workers who get motivated and supported by their employers perform tasks with high productivity.

Hence

Linking Words

other elements like how helpful coworkers and boss can be appointed as important considerations.

Hence

Linking Words

other elements like helpful coworkers and boss can be appointed as important considerations. In conclusion,

after

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that

although

Linking Words

having a high-income job is quite essential, other motivators should be

also

Linking Words

included. I am strongly convinced that working with cooperative staff could be a great motivator.

Fatimah

Jun 8, 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay could benefit from minor grammatical corrections for better clarity, such as changing 'a free-stress environment' to 'a stress-free environment'.

task achievement

The argument could be developed further by discussing counterpoints. For example, addressing why some people may still prioritize money despite having a good work environment.

coherence cohesion

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well.

task achievement

Main points are well-supported with specific examples, such as the study by the Health World Organization and the survey by New York Times magazine.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

343 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

money
pay
salary
earn
income
job
work
career
stay
leave
decision
reason
bonus
pension
security
benefits
hours
time
family
life
health
boss
team
colleagues
learning
growth
promotion
meaning
interest
purpose
flexible
balance
culture
environment
conditions
stage
trade-off
opinion
discuss
agree
disagree

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