Some people argue that money is the most important factor to stay in the job other think otherwise discuss both sides and give your own opinion
In
this
contemporary era, the main factor that motivates employees to stick to their occupations has been widely discussed. While
some people believe that cash is the most essential element, others hold a different perspective. I am of the belief that job satisfaction and the work environment are more important considerations. In the following paragraphs, my point of view will be further
discussed. On the one hand, a category of individuals believe that money plays an indispensable role because it’s vital to fulfil life’s requirements and to have a free-stress environment. To illustrate, when people work for prestigious companies and earn high salaries, this
will definitely make them able to pay for their luxurious needs. Eventually, this
enables them to pursue their goals and dreams without being worried about money. For example
, per a study conducted by researchers at the Health World Organization, It was revealed that citizens who get high incomes enjoy less stressful lives than others. What can be said is that high-paying jobs are not only necessary for essential needs but also
for people's mental well-being. On the other hand
, it is a well-known fact that the surrounding colleagues and the manager can affect the individuals’ decisions about their workplace. In other words
, if employees work with responsible supervisors and kind partners, this
will positively affect their opinions. Additionally
, achieving a sense of accomplishment can be considered a crucial factor in encouraging workers to pursue their careers. A prime example is a survey conducted by New York Times magazine, It revealed that workers who get motivated and supported by their employers perform tasks with high productivity. Hence
other elements like how helpful coworkers and bosses can be appointed as important considerations. In conclusion, after
this
essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that although
having a high-income job is quite essential, other motivators should also
be included. I am strongly convinced that working with cooperative staff could be a great motivator.Submitted by Fatimah
on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument and presents a clear opinion. Continue to develop nuanced points to strengthen your response even more.
coherence cohesion
While your structure is clear and logical, try to make smoother transitions between points to enhance cohesion. Using linking words like 'furthermore' or 'in contrast' can help.
coherence cohesion
Try to include more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to improve readability and engagement. This will also help you achieve higher marks in lexical resource and grammatical range.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both strong, clearly outlining the essay’s argument and summarizing effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant, specific examples to support your points, which made your arguments more convincing.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion