Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others, however, think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss Both views and give your opinion.

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Some claim that the unceasing globalization of business and interaction among cultures
exerts
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exert
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advantages
to
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on
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the
world
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,
while
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others believe that
such
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exchanges
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are likely to cause
countries
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to lose national identities. In my opinion,
although
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a country's cultural diversity and economic independence are impaired because of those
exchanges
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, transnational cooperation in business and
culture
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benefits nations. Admittedly, the concern that cultural homogenization and the loss of economic autonomy
stems
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stem
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from commercial and cultural
interrelationship
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interrelationships
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is reasonable to some extent.
This
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is because, even though international merchants and cultural disseminators focus on delivering
high quality
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high-quality
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products
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and universal values to the public, high-quality
products
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with low
price
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prices
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and dominant
culture
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usually originate from the Western
world
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. If the advance of powerful merchandise and
culture
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into every corner of the
world
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remains relentless, their prevalence might one day oust the traditional objects of a nation. Worse still, the spread of multinational
products
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will cause increased unemployment and a wave of bankruptcy of small companies as people turn to buy an international brand, perhaps thinking it is more glamorous than the one they are used to. That, in turn, would lead to a loss of richness and diversity in the
world
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and a disappearance of the manifestations of a place's character.
Nevertheless
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, it should be emphasized that
such
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intertwinements in the
world
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contribute to local economic growth and productivity improvement.
To begin
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with, multinational corporations, who play a crucial role in international cooperation and worldwide resource allocation, invest in undeveloped
countries
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by facilitating local economic and technological developments as low productivity in those nations leads to unemployment and insufficient company revenues. Since local factories lack the budgets to upgrade manufacturing techniques, leading to their
products
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lacking technological competitiveness, international businesses investing in underdeveloped
countries
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are beneficial for establishing a global supply chain to eliminate associated risks caused by uncertainties,
such
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as natural disasters and violent conflicts. Apart from that,
due to
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Western
culture
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being mainstream across the globe since the colonial era, cultural
exchanges
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between the
western
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Western
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world
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and undeveloped regions promote judicial reform and managerial innovation, which directly benefit people and can eventually help
to
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apply
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nations to be self-sustaining. In conclusion,
while
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global cultural and commercial
exchanges
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can threaten developing
countries
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' national identities and local economies, they
a'.ive
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achieve
economic growth and technological advancement in the regions.
Thus
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, __ing cultural preservation with globalization's benefits is crucial for
main aining
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maintaining
diversity and fostering global progress. Sent
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structure
Your essay overall is quite strong, but there are a few areas where it could be improved to reach a higher band. You have a solid introduction and conclusion, but some of the sentences in the body paragraphs could be made more concise for better clarity. Try breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones.
task
While the task response is well-developed, ensure that all assertions are backed by specific examples or data where possible. This not only supports your argument but also demonstrates a deeper engagement with the topic.
language
Some of the vocabulary and sentence structures are slightly repetitive. Try to use a wider range of synonyms and varied sentence structures to make the essay more engaging.
structure
The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the contrasting viewpoints, setting a clear outline for the essay.
coherence
Each paragraph discusses one main idea, and the transitions between them are smooth, contributing to a coherent flow of information.
task
The points made are logical and well-reasoned, and the essay does a good job of balancing the discussion of both views along with a personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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