Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others, however, think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss Both views and give your opinion.
Some claim that the unceasing globalization of business and interaction among cultures
exerts
advantages Correct subject-verb agreement
exert
to
the Change preposition
on
world
, while
others believe that such
exchanges
are likely to cause countries
to lose national identities. In my opinion, although
a country's cultural diversity and economic independence are impaired because of those exchanges
, transnational cooperation in business and culture
benefits nations.
Admittedly, the concern that cultural homogenization and the loss of economic autonomy stems
from commercial and cultural Correct subject-verb agreement
stem
interrelationship
is reasonable to some extent. Fix the agreement mistake
interrelationships
This
is because, even though international merchants and cultural disseminators focus on delivering high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
products
and universal values to the public, high-quality products
with low price
and dominant Fix the agreement mistake
prices
culture
usually originate from the Western world
. If the advance of powerful merchandise and culture
into every corner of the world
remains relentless, their prevalence might one day oust the traditional objects of a nation. Worse still, the spread of multinational products
will cause increased unemployment and a wave of bankruptcy of small companies as people turn to buy an international brand, perhaps thinking it is more glamorous than the one they are used to. That, in turn, would lead to a loss of richness and diversity in the world
and a disappearance of the manifestations of a place's character.
Nevertheless
, it should be emphasized that such
intertwinements in the world
contribute to local economic growth and productivity improvement. To begin
with, multinational corporations, who play a crucial role in international cooperation and worldwide resource allocation, invest in undeveloped countries
by facilitating local economic and technological developments as low productivity in those nations leads to unemployment and insufficient company revenues. Since local factories lack the budgets to upgrade manufacturing techniques, leading to their products
lacking technological competitiveness, international businesses investing in underdeveloped countries
are beneficial for establishing a global supply chain to eliminate associated risks caused by uncertainties, such
as natural disasters and violent conflicts. Apart from that, due to
Western culture
being mainstream across the globe since the colonial era, cultural exchanges
between the western
Capitalize word
Western
world
and undeveloped regions promote judicial reform and managerial innovation, which directly benefit people and can eventually help to
nations to be self-sustaining.
In conclusion, Change preposition
apply
while
global cultural and commercial exchanges
can threaten developing countries
' national identities and local economies, they a'.ive
economic growth and technological advancement in the regions. Correct your spelling
achieve
Thus
, __ing cultural preservation with globalization's benefits is crucial for main aining
diversity and fostering global progress.
SentCorrect your spelling
maintaining
Submitted by haixiuxiaonini on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
structure
Your essay overall is quite strong, but there are a few areas where it could be improved to reach a higher band. You have a solid introduction and conclusion, but some of the sentences in the body paragraphs could be made more concise for better clarity. Try breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones.
task
While the task response is well-developed, ensure that all assertions are backed by specific examples or data where possible. This not only supports your argument but also demonstrates a deeper engagement with the topic.
language
Some of the vocabulary and sentence structures are slightly repetitive. Try to use a wider range of synonyms and varied sentence structures to make the essay more engaging.
structure
The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the contrasting viewpoints, setting a clear outline for the essay.
coherence
Each paragraph discusses one main idea, and the transitions between them are smooth, contributing to a coherent flow of information.
task
The points made are logical and well-reasoned, and the essay does a good job of balancing the discussion of both views along with a personal opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.