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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar chart
compared
Wrong verb form
compares
show examples
 the amount of
British
Use synonyms
 who emigrated to 5 nations during 3 years from 2004 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that emigration among 5 countries saw a decline, except for
Australia
Use synonyms
 which was the only one
experienced
Correct pronoun usage
that experienced
show examples
 an upward trend throughout the timeframe.
Additionally
Linking Words
, even though the
Use synonyms
British
Correct quantifier usage
number of British
show examples
emigrants
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 dropped in the first year, it was still outstanding
other
Change preposition
in other
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 nations. With regards to the first 3 countries which the
British
Use synonyms
 highly emigrated to,
Australia
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 Spain started at around 42 and 35
thousand
Use synonyms
 people in 2004, respectively. As for the
British
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
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, it slightly went down to about 38
thousand
Use synonyms
 a year later before reaching a peak of over 50
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 2006,
however
Linking Words
, it
then
Linking Words
 decreased drastically to precisely 43
thousand
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. Meanwhile, in Spain, emigration declined gradually to around 27
thousand
Use synonyms
 people over 4 years.
Similarly
Linking Words
, there were
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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5
thousand
Use synonyms
emigrants
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 drop from 25
thousand
Use synonyms
 to 20
thousand
Use synonyms
 in the 4-year period. Turning the focus
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the remaining countries where the
British
Use synonyms
 were unlikely to emigrate. In the USA, there was a fluctuation between nearly 25 and 18 thousands of the
emigrants
Use synonyms
 from 2004 to 2007. In terms of France,
although
Linking Words
 its
British
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emigrants
Use synonyms
 rose by double from 22
thousand
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 between 2004 and 2005, it saw a sharp decline to under 10
thousand
Use synonyms
 until 2007.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words british, australia, emigrants, thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emigration
  • migrate
  • destination
  • trend
  • notable
  • significant
  • spike
  • drop
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • stable
  • consistent
  • overview
  • summarize
  • highlight
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