Most people believe that social media such as facebook and instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
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Around
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the globe, many populations
are thinking
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think
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that social media
such
as
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
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and
intragram
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Instagram
badly
effect
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affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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the community and independents.
while
I accept that approach is
jusfied
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justified
and
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apply
show examples
I believe that there are other factors which
is
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as
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humans
liked
Replace the word
like
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that
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apply
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similar platforms. On the one hand, It is understandable why using social media platforms might result in serious
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
. It could badly
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affect
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effect
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affect
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people's recognition.
Furthermore
, it is easy to access and identify brutal content
that is
in
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on
show examples
the internet without supervision and limitation.
As a result
,
young
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the young
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generation, especially teenagers, would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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maintain bad behaviors
such
as cheating,
blackmailing
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and blackmailing
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. Instance, somedays ago,
one
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apply
show examples
of teenage girl from
middle
Add an article
the middle
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of the country started
relationship
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a relationship
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with another person
throgh
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through
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
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and actually other person
is
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was
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a girl and she was acting
as
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a
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men
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man
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and as
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a reasult
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reasult
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result
when she identified that she got
cheat
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cheated
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from
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on
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another person, after two or three days she sucided
due to
that men published her sexual video to social media.
On the other hand
, there are
lot
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a lot
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of benefits
while
using the internet
such
as
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
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,
intragram
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Instagram
and other similar
flatforms
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platforms
show examples
.
Firstly
, all
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
may learn
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
of things
through
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apply
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online without visiting
to
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apply
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any physical classes.
Moreover
, as an example,
in
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on
show examples
youtube
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YouTube
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, there are many programmes with all
kind
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kinds
show examples
Change preposition
of varoius
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varoius
Correct your spelling
various
industries to learn for all
peopleas
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people as
peoples
people
such
as teenagers,
mature
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and mature
show examples
peoples
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people
show examples
.
Secondly
, we could use it as
earning
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an earning
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platform.
Furthermore
, that platform we may use it as
Add an article
a part
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part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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job
beacuse
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because
can priority to it when we are
in
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at
show examples
the
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apply
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home or
off
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on off
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days. In
conlusion
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conclusion
, social
meadia
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media
could have advantages and disadvantages both.
Therefore
,
i
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I
show examples
would think it will depend on how we are using it and what are the purposes
while
it is
using
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
.
Submitted by agdanush on

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grammar
Ensure that you maintain consistency in grammatical structures and avoid mistakes that can obscure meaning. For instance, 'various industries' instead of 'varoius industries,' 'suicide' instead of 'sucided.'
task achievement
Use more specific examples or data points to make your argument stronger. This will help to substantiate your main points and increase the overall credibility of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This guideposts for the reader and strengthens your argument's logical flow.
task response
Your essay demonstrates a balanced viewpoint, acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of social media.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure—introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion—is generally effective, aiding in overall comprehension.
task achievement
You have made efforts to support your main points with examples, which is critical in strengthening your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • dysfunctional
  • impede
  • adverse
  • compulsive
  • obsessive
  • inherently
  • undermine
  • vulnerable
  • censorship
  • exploitation
  • vicious cycle
  • isolation
  • fraudulent
  • dissemination
  • manipulation
  • creativity
  • engagement
  • tolerance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: