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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
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The following pie charts illustrate the average percentages of three types of nutrients:
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated
fats
Use synonyms
, and sugars, in typical meals consumed by Americans.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that dinner accounted for
largest
Add an article
the largest
show examples
 proportion of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated
fats
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
snacks
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 sugar.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 from the
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
 eat salty and fatty food
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 dinner more than
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at lunch and breakfast, respectively.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the proportion of the aforementioned nutrients found in
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 meals are similar except
Use synonyms
snacks
Change preposition
for snacks
show examples
. the majority of nutrients in dinner are
sodium
Use synonyms
 and
fats
Use synonyms
 which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the greatest percentages among the three meal courses at 43% and 37%,respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, followed by that of
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 lunch of less than 30%, whilst at breakfast is the fewest of not greater than 20%. In regards
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
,
americans
Change the capitalization
Americans
show examples
become
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a sweet tooth when it comes to
snacks
Use synonyms
 at 42% which took the biggest ratio among
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 meals.
However
Linking Words
, in terms of
fats
Use synonyms
 in
snacks
Use synonyms
 was only half of sugar and only 14% of
sodium
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, fats, snacks with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutrients
  • Unhealthy
  • Daily intake
  • Percentage
  • Carbohydrates
  • Fats
  • Proteins
  • Meals
  • Balanced diet
  • Consumption
  • Excess
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Convenience foods
  • Fast foods
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Healthy eating habits
  • Dietary recommendations
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