Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place

A number of persons believe that fathers and mothers ought to be the ones who

bring up

Verb problem

teach

show examples

youngsters how to be excellent participants in the community

whereas

some support parents. I will consider both these viewpoints and share my own perspective on

this

. I have known my parents from scratch.

Due to

the fact that baby has a muscle memory on their gradient reactions and

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

Moreover

, they can learn more quickly than adults as the saying goes, “You can’t teach the old dogs new tricks”.

In addition

, Since I was born knowing them, so I definitely had more time with them

although

was

Verb problem

had

show examples

been just only a few years before I had to leave for kindergarten. Fortunately, my family only has two children so me and my brother always get much more attention meaning that they can always correct us for every wrong deportment we make and instruct us to be considerate, not discriminate against others, and respect our civilization.

As a result

, family is the best introduction before you step out into the outside world. I describe school as a book full of different types of folks and rules. When I first attended preschool I was taken to an international preschool with different nationalities and cultures even though it was difficult.

On the other hand

, I got more experience

along with

wider aspects, easier to understand others,

Furthermore

, the school curriculum forces you to become a better version of yourself if not you will get the punishment. Surprisal

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

turned out extremely effective

likewise

it is human psychology’s wish not to face

penalizing

Replace the word

penalisation

show examples

again.

To conclude

, I give thought to parents are crucial factors to be a fine participant in society. The reason I feel

this

is that we can’t choose our own family and you could not lose the relationship with them as well.

Otherwise

, you will have no one to turn to, and if not because of them I would be me today.

Submitted by nugentsr on Sun Jun 09 2024

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task achievement

The response addresses both viewpoints but lacks depth in some parts. Ensure to consistently expand on the main points with specific examples.

coherence cohesion

The essay's introduction and conclusion are present, but ensure they clearly outline and summarize the main points to strengthen coherence.

coherence cohesion

Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure smooth flow between ideas and paragraphs.

task achievement

The essay covers both viewpoints, which is a key requirement for a balanced argument.

coherence cohesion

Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

327 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

good members of society
teach
parents
schools
responsibility
values
respect
empathy
responsibility
formal education
citizenship
ethics
social responsibility
lead by example
role models
conducive environment
extracurricular activities
community involvement
collaborate
holistic approach

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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some educationist think that international exchange visit will benefit teenagers at school. To what extent do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Some people think visual images(like photographs and videos) can tell information more accurately in a news story. Others think they are not reliable sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is important for people to take risks, both in professional lives and personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadavantages?

schools should stop using books for teaching to learn as they find them boring, ad use films, TV and computer instead. To what extent do you agree with this?