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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The best way to solve the problem of traffic congestion is for governments to provide free transport 24/7. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The massive burden of making a society a better place to live rests on the shoulders of high-ranking officials.
While
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 some argue that one of the key steps to prevent
traffic
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jams
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 is to benefit from free and 24-hour public
transportation
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, in my view, it does not necessarily mean that it can address
traffic
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jams
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 solely. On the one hand, there is a definite link between using public vehicles and decreasing the number of cars on the street. To clarify, when dwellers have easy access to a free way of communication, they are reluctant to drive their own car to commute.
This
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 allows them to save their money on commuting.
For example
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, in the capital of my country, Iran, many
prioritize
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prioritise
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 using public
transportation
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 over driving, because it is accessible at any time of the day and even very late at night.
As a result
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, the rate of
traffic
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jams
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 can be controlled by the government much more easily.
On the other hand
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, convenience goes a long way in using public
transportation
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.
For example
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, in my city, Paveh, not many are interested in
utilizing
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utilising
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 a bus or a taxi in the summer, as it is not equipped with a good air-conditioner system. It is no wonder, dwellers do not tend to get to their destination by
such
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 vehicles, since they are bothered by their warm environments.
Moreover
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, in some cities,
such
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 as metropolises, residents have to wait long hours to take buses and taxis, which wastes their time, especially at the present moment, everybody is in a hurry
due to
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 a fast-paced life.
This
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 contributes to not using public
transportation
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, even if it is really cheap and accessible. In conclusion, focusing solely on price and time of public ways of
transportation
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 does not guarantee reducing
traffic
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jams
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. I strongly believe the government should consider some important options, like facilities, and even enough seats, to address the rate of vehicles on the street successfully.

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structure
Make your main idea clear in the opening sentence and keep a steady view through the essay.
coherence
Use simple words to link ideas so the flow is smoother.
content
Give stronger, clearer examples to back each point.
language
Check word choice to avoid odd phrases and fix grammar.
language
Keep sentences short and direct.
content
Your view is clear that free transport alone is not the fix.
structure
You use two sides with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
content
You connect ideas to real places and times.
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