IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #lifestyle #school #parents
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An optimal lifestyle is crucial in
regards
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regard
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 to the growth of
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child
Add an article
the child
a child
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. Particularly, the
child
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's
muscles
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muscle
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 transformation needs healthy ingredients to be well-built.
However
Linking Words
, lots of
children
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 do not prefer to eat
a nutritious
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nutritious food
a portion of nutritious food
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food
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. Because of
this
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, I wholeheartedly agree that it is a mutual responsibility of both
parents
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 and school to prioritize providing
a nourishing
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nourishing food
a portion of nourishing food
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food
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 for the
children
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. I believe that
an
Correct article usage
apply
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unhealthy cuisine may have detrimental effects on the
child
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's constitution. In my point of view, the
parents
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 shoulder
an
Correct article usage
the
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 utmost authority in
provision
Correct article usage
the provision
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 of
a
Remove the article
apply
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healthy
food
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 for
the
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their
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children
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. Particularly, the
child
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's mother should choose healthy ingredients
while
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 preparing the
food
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. These ingredients play a vital role in keeping the
child
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 fit. On the one hand, a
strongly-shaped
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strongly shaped
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 physique has a powerful immune system that keeps the body safe.
On the other hand
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, hazardous components in
food
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 have
their
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apply
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dangerous effects on the
child
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's health like fats and sugary sweets.
For example
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, many fathers and mothers do not care about what their
children
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 eat like
a junk
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junk food
a portion of junk food
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food
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. So, it is a massive duty of the
parents
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 to limit
the
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apply
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fast
food
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 to put their daughters and sons on a nutritious track. Parallelly, the educational institutions develop strong-charactered students, they should
also
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 seek the environment where the
children
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 find
a delicious, healthy
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delicious, healthy food
a portion of delicious, healthy food
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food
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. Because of
this
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, I would recommend
for
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that
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 the schools
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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avoid harmful snacks and
food
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 from their canteen and replace them with vegetables, and fruits. They should
also
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 limit any kind of
food
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 causing
sugar
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a sugar
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 rush for the
children
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 like chocolate and sweets. It would be preferred if they put district regulations regarding
to
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apply
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this
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 point.
However
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, evaluating rules is not enough to spread a
well-healthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
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 awareness among the students. It would be better to assist with extra sessions, and clubs to give them instructions and
advices
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advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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 about what they should have for their nutritious meals. In conclusion, one of the most important
parents
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' responsibilities is to care for their
children
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's health.
Moreover
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, the main rule of the educational institutions is to keep the students fit. So, it's a common responsibility for both of them.
Submitted by Mido  on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and illustrate your points effectively. For instance, you can mention specific programs or initiatives that schools could implement to promote healthy eating.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by providing clear transitions. This can help improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
While you have a clear structure, ensure each paragraph has a single main point that is fully developed. Avoid introducing multiple new ideas within the same paragraph.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets the context for the essay effectively, outlining the main argument.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the shared responsibility between parents and schools.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, demonstrating a solid understanding of the topic.
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