There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

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Music
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has a wide variety of phases among various cultures, which is essential to protecting cultural values and individual relaxation. In
this
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essay, the importance of
music
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for traditional values and the possible international impacts on
this
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will be discussed. At
first,
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human
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the human

The noun phrase human mentality seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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mentality has a strong connection with
rhythems
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rhythms
rhythm

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.
For example
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, some studies have observed a significant response of the inhabitants' brains to
rhythemic
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rhythmic

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sounds, which
also
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leads to emotional alteration.
Therefore
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, it can stimulate mental conditions to overcome distress, sadness, and anger.
Furthermore
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, as
music
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has a strong link with cultural heritage,
this
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helps to reflect the unique and beautiful characteristics of any nation.
Hence
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, they can achieve good tourist attractions, promoting their musical heritage around the world. India would be the best example of
this
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, as they use Indian traditional
music
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for their film industry, which has huge popularity among foreigners, making them interested in
this
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nation.
However
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, the boost of international
music
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, often
western
Capitalize word
Western

The word western should be capitalized in this context.

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, has a crucial influence on the cultural scope, especially for the new generation. As
music
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is a sensitive and unique preference of a person,
this
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impact would lead to a generation that dislikes their traditional values. Some previous
music
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in North America,
for example
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, is less known by many younger people,
according to
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recent studies. The ultimate result of
this
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will be the degradation of the culture and the introduction of new cultural features.
Therefore
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, the safety of ancient
rhythems
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rhythms
rhythm

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is essential. In conclusion,
music
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is good for mental health and protecting the heritage of a culture.
However
Linking Words

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, it is important to mitigate impacts from international
music
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, since
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

affects the cultural sense of the younger generation.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured, but it could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main points of each paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task prompt adequately, some of the points could be further developed. For example, you could provide more in-depth analysis on the impact of music on mental health and cultural preservation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that ties back to the main topic of the essay. This will improve the flow and make your argument more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Your introductory and concluding paragraphs effectively frame the essay. You have clearly stated the scope of the discussion and summed it up nicely at the end.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples, like the use of traditional Indian music in their film industry, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and provides a balanced view on the importance of music from both traditional and international perspectives.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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