There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Music
has a wide variety of phases among various cultures, which is essential to protecting cultural values and individual relaxation. In
this
essay, the importance of
music
for traditional values and the possible international impacts on
this
will be discussed. At
first,
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
mentality has a strong connection with
rhythems
Correct your spelling
rhythms
rhythm
.
For example
, some studies have observed a significant response of the inhabitants' brains to
rhythemic
Correct your spelling
rhythmic
sounds, which
also
leads to emotional alteration.
Therefore
, it can stimulate mental conditions to overcome distress, sadness, and anger.
Furthermore
, as
music
has a strong link with cultural heritage,
this
helps to reflect the unique and beautiful characteristics of any nation.
Hence
, they can achieve good tourist attractions, promoting their musical heritage around the world. India would be the best example of
this
, as they use Indian traditional
music
for their film industry, which has huge popularity among foreigners, making them interested in
this
nation.
However
, the boost of international
music
, often
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
, has a crucial influence on the cultural scope, especially for the new generation. As
music
is a sensitive and unique preference of a person,
this
impact would lead to a generation that dislikes their traditional values. Some previous
music
in North America,
for example
, is less known by many younger people,
according to
recent studies. The ultimate result of
this
will be the degradation of the culture and the introduction of new cultural features.
Therefore
, the safety of ancient
rhythems
Correct your spelling
rhythms
rhythm
is essential. In conclusion,
music
is good for mental health and protecting the heritage of a culture.
However
, it is important to mitigate impacts from international
music
, since
this
affects the cultural sense of the younger generation.
Submitted by kavinduanupama20 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured, but it could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main points of each paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task prompt adequately, some of the points could be further developed. For example, you could provide more in-depth analysis on the impact of music on mental health and cultural preservation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that ties back to the main topic of the essay. This will improve the flow and make your argument more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Your introductory and concluding paragraphs effectively frame the essay. You have clearly stated the scope of the discussion and summed it up nicely at the end.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples, like the use of traditional Indian music in their film industry, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and provides a balanced view on the importance of music from both traditional and international perspectives.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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