There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Music

has a wide variety of phases among various cultures, which is essential to protecting cultural values and individual relaxation. In

this

essay, the importance of

music

for traditional values and the possible international impacts on

this

will be discussed. At

first,

human

Add an article

the human

show examples

mentality has a strong connection with

rhythems

Correct your spelling

rhythms

rhythm

For example

, some studies have observed a significant response of the inhabitants' brains to

rhythemic

Correct your spelling

rhythmic

sounds, which

also

leads to emotional alteration.

Therefore

, it can stimulate mental conditions to overcome distress, sadness, and anger.

Furthermore

, as

music

has a strong link with cultural heritage,

this

helps to reflect the unique and beautiful characteristics of any nation.

Hence

, they can achieve good tourist attractions, promoting their musical heritage around the world. India would be the best example of

this

, as they use Indian traditional

music

for their film industry, which has huge popularity among foreigners, making them interested in

this

nation.

However

, the boost of international

music

, often

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

, has a crucial influence on the cultural scope, especially for the new generation. As

music

is a sensitive and unique preference of a person,

this

impact would lead to a generation that dislikes their traditional values. Some previous

music

in North America,

for example

, is less known by many younger people,

according to

recent studies. The ultimate result of

this

will be the degradation of the culture and the introduction of new cultural features.

Therefore

, the safety of ancient

rhythems

Correct your spelling

rhythms

rhythm

is essential. In conclusion,

music

is good for mental health and protecting the heritage of a culture.

However

, it is important to mitigate impacts from international

music

, since

this

affects the cultural sense of the younger generation.

Submitted by kavinduanupama20 on Sun Jun 09 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay is generally well-structured, but it could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main points of each paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.

task achievement

While you have addressed the task prompt adequately, some of the points could be further developed. For example, you could provide more in-depth analysis on the impact of music on mental health and cultural preservation.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that ties back to the main topic of the essay. This will improve the flow and make your argument more cohesive.

coherence cohesion

Your introductory and concluding paragraphs effectively frame the essay. You have clearly stated the scope of the discussion and summed it up nicely at the end.

task achievement

You have used relevant examples, like the use of traditional Indian music in their film industry, which strengthens your argument.

task achievement

Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and provides a balanced view on the importance of music from both traditional and international perspectives.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

emotional release
cultural significance
globalization
cultural exchange
technology
preservation
cultural heritage
social cohesion
expression
consumption
production
traditional music
international music
diversity
identity

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

governments in many countries are urgently seeking Ways to reduce unemployment in rural areas. what which are the most effective ways to do this? measure do you think would be the single mast effective step that governments could take? .!

Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important fo o be taught art? r children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects?

As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?